Fistful of Notes
by Blackened
Summary: Collection of short stories with a plotline for each character. Dont know why I bother though since you people dont R&R them! Oh well if you're interested read on. COMPLETE!
1. Nobody's Listening

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights too FF8 only the hardcopy I bought fair and square for PS1!! All characters and items from FF8 belong to Squaresoft. New scenarios for said characters and items however are mine!  
  
Nobody's Listening  
  
Tried to give you warning, But everyone ignored me. (Told you everything loud and clear) But nobody's listening.  
  
Linkin Park, Nobody's Listening.  
  
Seifer Almasy struggled against the guards trying to get back into the place he had called home for so many years. He knew he had been wrong, his dream had led him down a path, a path that was wrong to take. He allowed it to blind hi to what was real and right.  
  
His dream had placed him under the power of an evil sorceress, made him her slave. He, the once proud Seifer Almasy, in charge of the Disciplinary Committee reduced to a mindless lap-dog.  
  
Even his closest friends had abandoned him in the end after being unable to drag him back to reality. They had found him battered, unconscious on the Esthar plains. All he could remember was a multi-armed figure in red, a huge blade blasting him backwards out of the looming pillar that was the Lunatic Pandora.  
  
They had told him how Squall and the others had gone to a time compressed world and had taken on his manipulator, his tormentor, the Sorceress Ultimicea and they had won.  
  
He had suffered a deep sense of longing as he watched Garden fly over him and had made the decision to get back there, to his home. And here he was now, his ex-fellow SeeDs hissing and booing as the guards restrained him.  
  
He didn't blame them, he had led an attack against them, had got so many of them killed. He tried to tell them he was sorry, that he was man enough to take the blame and had changed, but as the guards threw him out the gate onto the floor he realised nobody was listening. 


	2. Enter Squall

Enter Squall  
  
Exit light, Enter night, Take my hand, Off to never-neverland.  
  
Metallica, Enter Sandman.  
  
Squall Leonhart walked up behind Seifer as he got up off the ground and dusted himself off. He reached him and placed a hand on Seifer's shoulder. Seifer spun round in surprise, his eyes widening as he recognised Squall.  
  
'Here to gloat?' he asked, gently shaking his hand off.  
  
'No.' Squall said simply unable to say what he wanted to say to his one time rival, a childhood friend.  
  
Although that last memory had evaded him for some time. All he could remember was he and Seifer always at each other though now he understood why.  
  
'Then what do you want?' Seifer asked nastily though his heart wasn't in it.  
  
'You realise you can't just come back and expect people to act like nothing has happened.' Squall said to him.  
  
'I know but Garden is where I belong. It took me so long to realise that that was my real dream.' Seifer said softly and then snorted. 'I take it you hate me too?' he added.  
  
'No I don't. It could've easily been me that became enthralled by Ultimicea and you could've been the one to fight me but Fate made it the way it is.' Squall said softly  
  
'You really believe that!?' Seifer asked surprised.  
  
'Sure. We're opposite sides of the same coin. That's why we could never see eye to eye.' Squall replied gnomically.  
  
Seifer smiled faintly 'So what do I do now?' he asked.  
  
'Give it time, they'll soon come to forgive you.' Squall told him.  
  
'And if they don't?' Seifer asked.  
  
'Redemption is never easy, Seifer. But then again neither is leadership if your heart isn't in it.' Squall answered turning from him.  
  
'Just don't give up on this dream Seifer, chase it just as much as you did with the one that was false. It may work out in the end.' Squall said smiling slightly, walking back into Garden leaving Seifer standing there stunned. 


	3. Heartache Every Moment

Heartache Every Moment  
  
From lashes to ashes, And lust to dust. In your sweetest torment I'm lost, And no heaven can help us.  
  
HIM, Heartache Every Moment.  
  
Quistis Trepe stood on the balcony of Garden, her blonde hair unravelled from its usual bun and flowed over her shoulders in the breeze. Her green eyes were locked on Squall as she watched him talk with Seifer.  
  
She sighed longingly, wishing she had been more forward with him, telling her how she felt about him. But her rank had made her keep her distance, even when she was demoted she couldn't fully let herself go, but then it was just as well since he didn't seem to care when she tried to talk to him.  
  
Even now she continued to brood over him, she had told them that what she felt for Squall was just sisterly love from when they were at the orphanage but the truth was she loved him more passionately than ever.  
  
It hurt her so much that she would never be able to have his love, the brunette had waltzed into their lives and opened up Squall's heart in a way she'd never been able to and now Squall belonged to her.  
  
All Quistis could do was try and let Squall go or continue to hope foolishly that he'd realise what he had in her. 


	4. Take her to the Pet Store

Take her to the Pet Store.  
  
Irvine Kinneas grinned as he watched Selphie Tilmitt bounce excitedly along the line of cages. 'Awww they're so cute.' She cooed as she looked at some small fluffy bunny rabbits.  
  
Irvine was thinking the same but the object of his thoughts wasn't bunnies but the girl behind the counter and her assistant.  
  
He tried to shake the thought from his head and look back at Selphie as she tried to pet the animals. He knew he was doing it more often now even though he and Selphie were finally an item. He had thought he could stop his flirting, that he could only have eyes for Selphie but he found it wasn't true. He knew it would break Selphie's heart to know he was still tipping his hat and winking at the hunnies in Garden, he couldn't even stop it with Selphie right there.  
  
It wasn't as if he got a thrill of doing something forbidden, it was just the way he was, it was what he had done for as long as he'd started to be attractive to girls. He told people it was his way of coping with the aspects of being a sniper but in reality it was a way of making himself feel good, take away the hollowness inside after they had all left him at the orphanage, not even remembering him. The flirting got him noticed, brought people closer to him.  
  
'But I shouldn't need it. I have Selphie now' he reasoned with himself.  
  
He sighed softly. Selphie had been his fondest childhood memory and was amazed to find what a beautiful young woman she had become when fate threw them back together.  
  
'Hey Irvy, you okay?' Selphie asked tilting her head up to look into his eyes.  
  
'Yeah just thinking.' Irvine replied giving her a dazzling smile.  
  
'Oooh must hurt!' she told him playfully.  
  
'So we ready to go?' he asked slipping his arms around her waist gently squeezing.  
  
'Yep.' She replied and energetically bounced out of the shop.  
  
They took the train back to Balamb, Selphie gazing out of the window singing softly. Before they knew it they were back in Garden and heading throught Selphie's room door.  
  
'We've got to get a cute bunny!!' Selphie said twirling happily.  
  
'Um Selph..' Irvine said softly.  
  
'What's up Irvy?' Selphie asked her expression darkening.  
  
'I think we should go back to being just friends.' He told her slowly.  
  
'What!? Why?' she exploded in shock.  
  
'I'm only going to hurt you if we stay together. I'll destroy you because I can't stop flirting.' He said unable to look at her.  
  
'You break my heart into a thousand pieces and you say it's because I deserve better?' Selphie screamed, tears welling in her eyes.  
  
'I'm sorry.' He replied softly.  
  
'Get out! Get out! Get out!' she yelled at him pushing back through the door and slamming it on him.  
  
Irvine pulled his hat down over his eyes to hide his own tears as he heard Selphie collapse, sobbing, against the door. He hung his head and walked off sadly. 


	5. Tears of Pearl

Tears of Pearl.  
  
And we stare each other down, Like victims in the grind. Probing all the weakness, And hurt still left behind. And we cry, these tears of pearl.  
  
Savage Garden, Tears of Pearl.  
  
Selphie lay on her bed, face buried in her pillow as her eyes stung with tears, her cheeks warm and wet from weeping.  
  
How could Irvine have done that to her? She loved him with all her heart and now it was shattered into pieces. Only one other person gave her that light fluttery feeling in her stomach and that was Sir Laguna. But he was just a crush and Squall's father it would be weird if she contemplated anything more with him, or would it?  
  
She pushed that thought from her head but that left her with the pain and anguish that she so wanted to block. She rolled over onto her back, her final tears trickling down her cheeks as she gazed up at the plain white ceiling. She knew at times like this some students would drink themselves into oblivion but she wasn't that self-destructive and disliked the taste of alcohol anyway.  
  
Some of her usual personality reasserted itself and she started thinking more optimistically. In the end she made her way over to the computer terminal in her room and logged in. She gazed lovingly over her Sir Laguna and read his thoughts on the places she too had had the privilege to visit.  
  
She sighted softly and logged into the Garden net chat rooms, signing in as Dark Carbuncle, a name no-one would ever think of as her. She wanted an anonymous chat with anyone online to get out all the pain inside. She then logged into a room she had never visited before called Fade to Black which seemed to call to her. 


	6. Pretending

Pretending.  
  
So keep on pretending, Our heaven's worth the waiting. Just keep on pretending, It's alright.  
  
HIM, Pretending.  
  
Xu's fingers flew over the keyboard as she typed her replies to people chatting to her, when she was distracted by an unfamiliar name. 'Dark carbuncle?' she thought to herself. That name had never been in this room before and she should know since she had created this room and was always in it when she logged on. She sent a private message to the name that intrigued her so.  
  
'Hi there. New to the room?' she asked.  
  
In her own room Selphie nearly jumped in shock at the speed of the message.  
  
'Hi. Yeah I am. Poison girl huh? Should I be worried?' Selphie replied.  
  
'What? Oh no, the name's just an inside joke! Lol.' Xu told her.  
  
'Oh I c.' Selphie typed back.  
  
'So y ur name?' Xu asked slipping into shorthand.  
  
'Not really in a good mood right now.' Selphie responded  
  
'Wanna talk about it?' Xu inquired.  
  
'Not much to say. My bf just dumped me.' Selphie sent back as a private message.  
  
'Damn! Was he seeing someone else?' Xu asked privately.  
  
'Not that I'm aware of. He just said he cudn't control his flirting and didn't want to hurt me.' Selphie replied slowly.  
  
Xu gasped in shock. 'Irvine?' she thought to herself followed by realisation. 'Oh my god Selphie.' she pictured the petite brunette her sunny countenance now marred by tears. Xu wanted to ask and confirm her thoughts but she came to the conclusion that if it was Selphie and she wanted her to know that she'd tell her when she decided.  
  
'Yet he did what he didn't want to do huh?' Xu responded.  
  
'Yeah.' Selphie said simply.  
  
'So did you talk it out or what?' Xu asked hoping she wasn't being too blunt.  
  
'No I threw him out. I couldn't bear to look at him.' Selphie replied trying not to cry again.  
  
'Oh.' Xu replied simply unsure what to say.  
  
'Neway enough about him. What about you? Are you seeing anyone? Maybe a guy I know?' Selphie asked changing the subject.  
  
'Umm no I'm single. I'm not interested in any guys here.' Xu replied. 'I'm interested in you Selphie.' She thought to herself.  
  
'Ohh.. no decent guys huh? I don't blame you.' Selphie told her.  
  
'Yeah the one I want seems to be taken.' Xu lied.  
  
'Who's that?' Selphie asked.  
  
'I can't say, it's embarrassing.' Xu answered. 'How can I tell you how I feel?' Xu agonised in her head.  
  
'Aww well can't you tell me what they look like?' Selphie pleaded.  
  
'Ok. They're 5'2" ish, brown hair, blue/green eyes. Is that enough clues? Lol' Xu replied hoping it was.  
  
'So it's a girl then?' Selphie replied 'A girl like me?' she wondered to herself intrigued.  
  
'Um yeah.' Xu replied dreading what was to come.  
  
'Don't worry I don't think it's weird or anything.' Selphie replied. 'I've been interested myself. But who are you?' she thought.  
  
'( Ur bf suggested a 3sum b4 no doubt?' Xu asked.  
  
'No but I scared him by mentioning it once.' Selphie replied admitting to a stranger a secret no-one knew.  
  
'I c ;)' Xu replied an alarm beeping behind her.  
  
'DAMN!' she yelled. 'I g2g now ( See u later I hope?' Xu typed quickly.  
  
'Ok. laterz.' Selphie typed sadly.  
  
Xu logged off heading to her job. 'Selphie..' she sighed softly. 


	7. The Sacrament

The Sacrament.  
  
I hear you breathe so far from me, I feel your touch so close and real.  
  
HIM, The Sacrament.  
  
Rinoa lay in the bed alone, her hand softly caressing the warm area he had lay in. He had quickly left her when he had heard Seifer had been spotted. She was dismayed for she had been so immersed in their embrace, but she also understood why he had to go.  
  
Even though he was no longer physically present she could still feel him, his soft warm lips caressing her neck and shoulders, rough yet gentle hands exploring her body intimately.  
  
His breath hot on her skin making her body tingle as he kissed her.  
  
His hair tickling her lips as she moaned in pleasure.  
  
All these feelings still assaulted her senses as did he sound of their hearts beating together sounded in her ears. On some level she knew she was only imagining but on a deeper spiritual level she knew it was true because of their connection.  
  
Their deep love that transcended this physical plane of existence, had them joined heart, mind and soul until they were one, able to sense the others feelings, attuned to each other that they almost knew what they were doing when they were not together. Rinoa slowly traced Squall's touches with her own hand to prolong the sensation but it wasn't the same. She wished for her knight to return so she could feel his soft passionate touch that her body and soul craved so much. 


	8. Black and White

Black and White  
  
Lost in my own world, Lost in my own world, Locked in mind.  
  
Static X, Black and White.  
  
Zell collapsed back onto a log breathing heavily, wiping the sweat from his brow and absent-mindedly running his hand through his spiky blond hair.  
  
His eyes sparkled with exhilaration as he watched the T-rexaur's body slowly disappear. He grinned felling his blood pumping with adrenalin as he remembered the battle. 'But did it just happen now or is this a memory I'm having in the future that seems like the present?' he pondered.  
  
He knew that thought would surprise many people that knew him and probably thought he couldn't even spell "metaphysical" but the truth was he could be introspective at times, he just didn't show it like Squall.  
  
It was the use of Guardian Forces that made him think more about memory, though in the end he remembered that if his memories were being lost by them, then in true Zell style he'd live life to the full.  
  
That was the reason why he was here now in the Training Centre, his knuckles swollen from taking on a T-rexaur bare-fist on his own.  
  
Other SeeDs would think his impulsiveness meant he had no fear of death, but hell he was human, of course he feared death. He didn't want to stop existing, unable to think or feel but he couldn't let that fear cut him off from life, something he knew Squall was learning not to do now.  
  
Sometimes he envied Squall. Well he only envied Squall one thing; Rinoa. Not that he wanted Rinoa himself, but he wanted what they shared. Love, closeness, intimacy. Though he knew no girl would be brave or dumb enough to like him and for all his extroverted persona, girls were the one thing that fazed him.  
  
A flutter of wings above him caused him to look up, a magpie settling in the branches above him. He smiled at the colours. 'Black and white, just like the way I think' he thought to himself, getting up and ambling to the Cafeteria in the vague hope of hotdogs. 


	9. The Unnamed Feeling

The Unnamed Feeling  
  
Get the fuck out of here, I just want to get the fuck away from me. I rage, I glaze, I hurt, I hate. I hate it all, Why? Why? Why me?  
  
Metallica, The Unnamed Feeling  
  
Sweat broke out on his brow in exertion and panic, his weapon lay broken on the floor, the baton split in two by the T-rexaurs jaws. He hit the creature with a sleep spell and then a blind spell enabling him to escape with the pieces of his weapon.  
  
There was a dull anger deep inside him as he stared at the first weapon he had ever owned, four years long service now reduced to a pile of splinters. Was that how he would live his life?  
  
He dropped the remains of his weapon and returned to his room. Since Garden had returned to Balamb his piloting expertise was no longer required and he'd gone back to his quiet, dull, dull life.  
  
He sighed deeply and opened his cupboard of items and decided with which to make a new Baton. This was his other skill, Customising, but this obviously wasn't enough. Of the four cadets that graduated in his group, three went on to greater things, was it a surprise he wasn't one of them?  
  
He began building his new weapon using a controlled fire spell to weld the handle to the main piece of the baton. Once the main shape of his weapon was done he toughened it up with Ruby Dragon scales so it'd absorb fire attacks and interwoven was Snow Lion fur for ice absorption. For offensive capabilities he put Curse spikes and Vampire fangs along the attacking edge.  
  
Admittedly a baton wasn't the best weapon but it was effective at closer ranges than say a Gunblade. Nida left his newly created weapon on the desk and lifted his pride and joy from its hooks in the back of the closet. It was a modified Estharian Gunscythe. The gun aspect had been down- tuned to just a double barrel for speed and efficiency whilst the grip had been altered for ease of use, and Nida had beaten and customised the Scythe aspect to make it less unwieldy.  
  
Nida gazed lovingly at his creation before putting it back. Now calm, he decided to go to the library and see whether the book on Guardian Forces had arrived yet.  
  
The electronic doors slid open as he entered the semi-quiet room. One of the girls on the library committee was behind the desk looking flustered as a SeeD assaulted her with a barrage of questions.  
  
'So where's the girl with pigtails? It's meant to be her shift tonight.' The SeeD demanded.  
  
'She's ill. I'm covering.' The girl tried not to stammer.  
  
Nida approached the desk quietly and patiently waited for the SeeD to stop, the girl giving him a pleading look as the SeeD continued harassing her.  
  
Nida cleared his throat and said to the SeeD 'Do you mind if I interrupt you and ask about something relevant to the library?'  
  
The SeeD turned and gave him a look of contempt, replying angrily 'Do you mind? This is a private conversation! Stop bothering me with your worthless life!' and then turned back to the librarian.  
  
Nida gritted his teeth as something deep inside him twanged like highly strung elastic and snapped, causing his arm to move of its own volition. It moved in a fluid arc grabbing the back of the SeeD's head and slammed it repeatedly against the desk until the SeeD slumped to the floor.  
  
He backed away staring at his hand in shock to the mild applause of the other students. Nida turned and fled grateful that being a non-entity meant no-one would be able to recognise him. 


	10. Heart of Darkness

Heart of Darkness  
  
Scarlet blood dripped from his long brown fingers landing on the grass, cool in the shade of the trees. Sunlight filtered through the dense canopy of leaves, beams falling onto her broken, limp body, eye-patch gone and thrown at her feet, her silver hair matted with blood.  
  
Fujin lay, her face contorted with pain and surprise, neck snapped, jaw broken, blood flowing from numerous wounds on her body. He stood over her clenching his fists soaked in her blood. There was no remorse or shock in what he had done to her, no release of the frustration and rage he thought would be vented through this act. It still boiled inside of him and he knew the cause; Seifer.  
  
He knelt by Fujin's molested body wiping his hands on her blue coat. The look of shock in her eyes from when he attacked her still evident in death. This was the secret he kept inside, the thoughts and desires he held, in this heart as dark as his skin.  
  
No-one in Garden ever realised what was behind that tall, brawny dumb façade, the constant "Ya Know" and acts of idiocy belied the workings behind the mask. The urge to maim, molest, to take and do all he wanted with no conscience. The rigours of Garden had helped him control those urges, placing them onto monsters rather than the people he fantasised about. The image of Instructor Trepe's broken, spent body still made him tingle.  
  
He would love to go back to Garden and get Quistis, but for now Raijin had more important concerns. That of Seifer, the failure and abandoner. Raijin couldn't believe that Seifer had lost the pride and passion that made him respect and follow him in the first place. Now Seifer was running back to Garden after he lost control to the Sorceress. Now Raijin would hunt Seifer down and show him all about control. 


	11. Pretending Again

Pretending.Again  
  
I fear you'll turn your back on love again. And I feel despair kissing our lips again, And I feel despair holding our hearts again.  
  
HIM, Again.  
  
Xu sat at the terminal hopefully, focusing on the screen and guiltily ignoring the other people trying to talk to her as she scanned for a name.  
  
'Come on Dark Carbuncle where are you?' she muttered to herself.  
  
It had been two days since her encounter with dark Carbuncle, the girl she believed to be Selphie.  
  
Although she was having doubts now she had seen Selphie bouncing happily around Garden the day before, but that was Selphie's way wasn't it?  
  
In her own room Selphie was giving in to the temptation of talking to the mysterious girl that had given her something to think about.  
  
She was still numb from Irvine dumping her and acted like nothing was wrong but she had only felt right, felt anything, during that short time she had spoken to Poison Girl.  
  
She had restrained herself feeling guilty that she was using whoever she was, possibly leading her on in some way, but that selfish urge for that feeling again was too strong. Selphie switched on the terminal and entered the Fade to Black chatroom as Dark Carbuncle.  
  
Xu's eyes lit up as the name flashed up on her screen but she held back from typing a message right away in case she scared her again.  
  
'Hey! Ur back! I thought I scared u off!' Xu typed after a moments contemplation.  
  
'( No just been busy U know how it is.' Selphie replied.  
  
'So sorted things with ur ex?' Xu asked trying to be casual, feeling guilty at the hope Selphie and Irvine hadn't got back together.  
  
'Kinda. We just pretend nothing's happened and act as friends.' Selphie told her.  
  
'So you don't avoid him?' Xu inquired.  
  
'Not intentionally, but I don't go out of my way to see him either.' Selphie admitted.  
  
'Neways what I really need is some time with the girls!' she added.  
  
'What do you have in mind Selphie? ;)' Xu joked and the cringed as she realised what she had said.  
  
There was a moment of silence before Selphie replied 'So you figured out who I am? Do I know you?'  
  
'Yes.' Xu admitted simply.  
  
'Quistis?' Selphie asked.  
  
Xu felt a brief stab of hurt that Selphie didn't think of her first. 'You think Quistis has lesbian tendancies?' she joked.  
  
'Maybe. That thing with Squall may have put her off men! Lol Ok if ur not Quistis, who are you?' Selphie answered playfully.  
  
'Card Queen Hearts' Xu replied enigmatically.  
  
Selphie gasped 'No way!' she said to herself.  
  
'Xu?' she typed.  
  
'Yeah' she admitted.  
  
'Still want to come over? ;)' Selphie typed mischievously. 


	12. Am I Evil?

Am I Evil?  
  
My face is long forgot, My face not my own. Sweet and timely whore, Take me home. Am I Evil? Yes I am.  
  
Diamond Head, Am I Evil?  
  
Nida dived through the electronic door panting, his heart whirring in his chest. He leant back against the wall and stared at his hands.  
  
'What's going on?' he wondered to himself. He wasn't sure of himself anymore, he had just physically retaliated against someone, something he had never done before in his life in a non-combat situation.  
  
His hands shook as he remembered the dark intention he felt as he slammed the SeeDs head into the desk. The pleasure at the sound of his sharp intake of breath as his head first connected with the desk.  
  
Nida's body shook with residual rage and the adrenalin backwash. His heart jolted as someone pressed the buzzer by his door.  
  
The door slid open as the girl from the library walked in.  
  
'Why? How?' Nida stammered as he recognised her.  
  
She smiled at him 'I wanted to say thanks for earlier Nida.' She told him.  
  
'You know my name?' Nida replied in shock.  
  
'Sure. I see you around a lot Nida though you never really saw me.' She said softly. Nida just slumped into his chair unable to say a word.  
  
The girl moved closer looking into his eyes. 'You are so concerned that no- one wants to know you that you wrap yourself in your own little world oblivious to those that do.' She told him.  
  
'But look at me, I'm nothing!' he told her.  
  
'You're a person. Someone who helps others.' She replied edging closer. Nida couldn't think, his mind was overwhelmed by this revelation and the darkness inside. In the confusion another part of Nida's mind stepped in.  
  
'I don't even know your name.' He said softly.  
  
'It's Dana. see you didn't know me and you still helped.' She replied.  
  
'But I attacked that guy! Not to help you but because I snapped! I wasn't in control!' he admitted.  
  
'Even so, he deserved it.' She told him.  
  
'But who am I to judge that? You willingly came to see me when I have these evil intentions in my mind.' He said to her, aware of how close she was getting.  
  
'You're not evil, you were angry. It's okay to feel that way sometimes.' She said softly running her hand over his cheek.  
  
Nida's libido cut in and he placed his hand on hers and leant in to kiss her. Dana closed her eyes waiting expectantly. However Nida gained control and stopped before their lips met.  
  
'I'm sorry. I can't do this yet.' He breathed.  
  
Dana opened her eyes, hurt. 'Why?' she asked.  
  
'I don't want to use you, my minds all confused. I can't be sure this is really right.' He told her his soft brown eyes looking into hers.  
  
'You don't want me?' she asked.  
  
'It's not that. just give me time please?' Nida replied.  
  
'Okay' she said softly and left the room.  
  
Nida switched off the light and lay in the dark trying to quell all those evil visions. 


	13. Lose You Tonight

Lose You Tonight  
  
Don't run away, I never wanted to hurt you. Please stay, and I'll learn to love you right.  
  
HIM, Lose You Tonight  
  
Garden loomed over him, the lights twinkling in the dark. He grinned to himself. 'No doubt Seifer will be around, maybe I should pay a visit on other old friends first.' He thought to himself.  
  
He knew there wouldn't be too much trouble getting in now the Garden Faculty busy-bodies were no longer there. He scaled one of the outer metal walls, metal claws enabling him to grip the smooth slippery surface.  
  
He reached the rounded corner of the top of the wall, his arms aching and looked into the lush green forest of the Training Centre. He swung his leg over the side and lay at the top rubbing his sore arms.  
  
When the tiredness left his arms, Raijin leapt to the nearest tree and slid down as slowly and quietly as he could, merging in with the dark shadows of the lower foliage and made sure his staff was prepared in case he came across a T-rexaur.  
  
A flicker of movement caught his eye and he spotted a figure in blue, her black hair flowing across he shoulders as she walked to the rendezvous point. Raijin followed her stealthily, treading gently through the undergrowth and slipped through the door behind her.  
  
She was leant against the balcony gazing out towards Balamb unaware of his presence.  
  
'Hey Rinoa.' He said softly, making her spin round in surprise and her eyes widened in shock as she recognised him.  
  
'R-R-Raijin?' she stammered.  
  
'Long time huh? I see you got in with Squall then?' he said with a twisted friendly smile.  
  
Rinoa blushed hotly 'What are you doing here?' she demanded weakly.  
  
'Thought I'd pay old friends a visit.' He replied moving closer to her. Rinoa edged away but her back was already to the balcony.  
  
Raijin grinned as he could make out the shape of her body through the thin blue material of her dress.  
  
'Now maybe I should get a taste of what Seifer was always talking about.' He leered lunging at her, one hand clamping her jaw as the other pressed her back hard.  
  
Rinoa's screams were smothered by his hands, her arms pinned back to the balcony preventing her struggles. Raijin smiled as she squirmed against him. 'That's it, turn me on.' He leered tearing the material at the front of her dress. Rinoa writhed and squealed as his hand violated her, squeezing and probing her roughly, the pain weakening her.  
  
Raijin turned his head at the sound of footsteps and a sharp intake of breath.  
  
'Well, well if it isn't Squall.' He said to the figure.  
  
'Raijin' Squall replied his voice trembling in rage and shock as he pulled Lionheart from its holster.  
  
Raijin grinned turning slowly and deliberately to face Squall, and with a twist of his arm, broke Rinoa's neck letting her drop to the floor.  
  
'Bastard!!' Squall snarled and charged at Raijin, slicing at him. Raijin pulled out his staff parrying the blows easily and then hit Squall in the side and then the head with a quick combination.  
  
Dazed, Squall dropped to his knees. 'When did Raijin get so good?' he thought incredulously.  
  
'So long Squall.' Raijin sneered and flipped over the balcony, disappearing.  
  
Squall dashed to the balcony but couldn't see him. Then his eyes fell on the lifeless form of Rinoa. He scooped her up, tears welling in his eyes as he carried her through the Training Centre.  
  
Quistis spotted him at the entrance. 'Squall. what happened?' she asked seeing Rinoa in his arms.  
  
'Get me Seifer.' He told her simply. 


	14. Poison

Poison  
  
I want to love you but I better not touch. I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop. I want to kiss you but I want it too much, I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison.  
  
Alice Cooper, Poison  
  
The roar of the T-rexaur made Zell grin. 'Gotcha!' he said under his breath as he flipped over the monsters tail, landing in a crouch before springing up onto its back.  
  
Zell rained down blow after blow on the T-rexaur as it swayed violently to get him off. Zell dug his fingers into the scales of the monsters skin as he pulled himself up its back.  
  
He threw a sleep spell into its eyes which instantly took effect, the T- rexaur dropping to the floor in a deep sleep throwing Zell onto the dusty ground. Zell stood up dusting down his shorts and jacket before wiping the grit stuck to his face. A feminine yell made Zell spin round trying to locate it and he dashed through the trees in its direction.  
  
He burst out into an opening where a girl was battling five grats on her own. The grats leafy tendrils whipped her pale skin leaving red lines on her limbs. She yelled in defiance slashing them with her twin Gundaggers, slicing off the tendrils of two grats as they closed in. Zell stood transfixed by this formidable fighter, her long black hair swaying around her head, flame red streaks catching the sun as she moved.  
  
However good she could fight she wasn't prepared for the sixth grat that popped up from the undergrowth and wrapped a tendril around her neck and slammed her into a tree. Zell dashed in to help her, punching two grats out and kicking a third. By this time the girl had stabbed the offending grat and slit it open before dropping to her knees dazed.  
  
Zell finished off the other two grats with a Booya and a Dolphin Blow before rushing over to the girl, helping her up. 'Are you okay?' he asked concerned.  
  
'Yeah just one grat too many.' She replied softly.  
  
'Hey you're bleeding.' Zell said reaching out to the cut on her shoulder.  
  
The girl pulled away roughly from his touch and ran from the Training centre without a word. 'Wait! What did I do wrong?' Zell called after her. He watched her go clicked his fingers in frustration. 'Dammit!' he said to himself.  
  
Later that day Zell was in his room filing his reports and failing, unable to get the mysterious girl out of his head. 'The hell with it.' He thought to himself and decided to abuse his powers as an Instructor by going into the cadet files.  
  
After ten minutes searching he found what he was looking for. 'Jade Feyr.' He said to himself turning the name over in his head. 'Age seventeen, orphan. Special consideration? What's this?' Zell thought as he read the accessible parts of her file. 'Instructor; Quistis Trepe.' He noted before closing the file more intrigued than he was to begin with.  
  
The next day he spotted her entering the Training Centre again and ran over to her.  
  
'Jade! Wait up!' he yelled to her.  
  
She spun around at the unfamiliar voice calling her name. 'How do you know my name?' she asked 'Instructor?' she added noticing the band on his sleeve.  
  
Zell grinned 'Well I'd be neglecting my duty if I didn't follow up on an injured cadet.' He told her.  
  
She gave him a quizzical look as if not believing him.  
  
'Okay, okay. I just wanted to find out about the mysterious girl whom I couldn't get out of my head.' He admitted cracking under her stare and making her blush.  
  
'Anyway, thanks for yesterday. I'm sorry I ran off like that.' She told him, trying to hide her blush.  
  
'No problem.' He replied running his hand through his spiked hair. 'Say, you wouldn't fancy a little one-on-one would you?' he asked nervously.  
  
'What? Now?' she asked shocked.  
  
'Sure I don't have class now. I've never fought a Gundagger specialist.' He told her.  
  
'Um but you don't have a weapon.' She replied uncertainly, aware of the trouble she'd get into for injuring and Instructor.  
  
'I have my fists.' He replied.  
  
'Can your fists turn aside steel?' she retorted.  
  
'I'll admit they can't but I don't intend to get caught by the blade.' He said grinning.  
  
'What if I use my fists instead?' she told him.  
  
'Oh? You can fight bare-fist?' Zell replied mildly surprised. 'What? You don't think a girl can't fight without a weapon?' Jade replied in mock anger.  
  
Zell rubbed the back of his head remembering the times when Quistis nearly floored him in training. 'No, just thought you used your blades only.' He replied lamely.  
  
'They're just extensions of my hands.' She replied smiling and walked down the corridor to the Training centre, Zell following.  
  
They stopped in the entrance, a triangular area of grass with electronic doors either side leading into the main jungle area of the centre  
  
Jade took off her dagger holster dropping it to the ground, staring straight at Zell.  
  
'Ready?' she said moving forward aiming a blow at his head.  
  
Zell moved his right arm up to block and counter-attack with his left, but jade instead of hitting, trapped his right arm pushing it down against his left locking his arms.  
  
Zell pushed forward unable to move his arms using his shoulder to knock her off balance and back-flipped out of her grasp.  
  
But already she had rushed forward planting her elbow in his stomach, the momentum knocking both of them to the floor, Zell looking up into her eyes, breathing deeply.  
  
In that moment Zell moved to kiss her, driven by desire. 'No!' Jade yelled at him pushing him away.  
  
'I'm sorry.' he told her, his mind in turmoil.  
  
'No I want you to kiss me but I can't.' she told him.  
  
'Why?' he replied confused.  
  
'My blood is poisonous. If you were to kiss me you'd die.' She replied. 


	15. Frantic

Frantic  
  
If I could have my wasted days back, Would I use them to get back on track? Stop to warm at karma's burning, Or look ahead but keep on turning.  
  
Metallica, Frantic.  
  
Seifer was sat at the bar in Balamb, staring into the half empty glass trying to ignore the whispering voices around him. However a feminine voice calling his name made him spin round.  
  
'Well Instructor, what brings you here?' he said amazed, looking at the tall blonde before him.  
  
'Squall wants to see you.' Quistis replied.  
  
'Huh? I spoke to him already.' Seifer replied in drunken puzzlement.  
  
'No, he wants you to come to Garden now' Quistis told him.  
  
'Why?' Seifer replied, dropping his drink.  
  
'It's about Raijin' Quistis answered stepping closer.  
  
'Raijin?' Seifer said his eyes widening in shock.  
  
'He's killed Rinoa, Seifer.' Quistis said lowering her voice.  
  
'What!?' Seifer yelled jumping to his feet.  
  
It was later that day that Seifer was sat in Squalls office looking into Squall's burning eyes.  
  
'Was Fujin with him?' Seifer asked unable to look directly at Squall anymore.  
  
'No. Do you know where he'd go?' Squall asked gripping a ring on a chain tightly.  
  
'No. But I'm guessing he hasn't gone far. I take it you want me to come with you after him?' Seifer replied.  
  
That conversation had been a day ago, Seifer and Squall were now on top of the cliffs above the Balamb Fire cave, following what seemed to be Raijin's trail. They were sweaty and covered in dust from climbing the sheer cliff face. They crept through the undergrowth watching for any sign of movement or possible attack. Seifer suddenly stopped in the path and grabbed Squall's shoulder.  
  
'I sense him.' He told Squall softly.  
  
'Where?' Squall asked briskly not caring how Seifer knew.  
  
'This way.' Seifer said softly and led the way slowly through the deep bush.  
  
They came out in a clearing where Raijin sat cross-legged in the centre looking down into his lap.  
  
'Raijin.' Squall growled.  
  
Only then did Raijin look up. 'Finally you're here.' He said getting up, staff in hand.  
  
'I see the blood all over your hands.' Seifer said softly to his one time friend.  
  
'Does it make you feel more like a man?' Squall yelled, taunting.  
  
Raijin grinned 'It's all part of my plan. The gunblades shaking in your hands. Why don't you just come attack me now?' he told them.  
  
This was too much for Squall who snapped, charging at Raijin, Lionheart held low. Raijin easily deflected Squall's angry swipe and had slightly more difficulty with Seifer's sneaky slash but years of watching Seifer fight gave him that edge.  
  
The fighting continued, blades spinning through the air as Raijin danced between squall and Seifer, bouncing blows off his staff.  
  
Sweat poured off all three youths as each tried to get the upper hand, as weapon met weapon never flesh. Squall's anger drove him, adding ferocity to his blows, giving that extra force but to no avail. Seifer remained cool trying to think of how best to strike while trying to move between Raijin's strikes and Squall's wild slices.  
  
He found his moment as Raijin was driven back by Squall's continual onslaught. Seifer slipped the flat of Hyperion's blade between Raijin's legs and twisted, slashing his calf and throwing Raijin off-balance.  
  
Raijin fell onto his back, loosing grip of his staff as it flew across the clearing and looked up into the point of Squall's sword and his flaming eyes.  
  
'Go ahead, pull the trigger.' Raijin said grinning.  
  
'Squall don't.' Seifer said grabbing his arm 'It's what he wants, then you'll be no different than him.' He told him. Squall turned to Seifer but still held Lionheart over Raijin's face. 'Then what do I do? Let him go? After what he did?' he raged.  
  
'No, we take him back. Garden can take care of him.' Seifer replied gazing into Squall's eyes.  
  
'You were always a good friend Seifer.' Raijin laughed. 'Fujin called your name as she died in shock as I took her. All that time and you never saw how she felt, what she'd give you.' Raijin mocked.  
  
'It won't work Raijin. I knew Fujin was dead when I heard you were back.' Seifer replied.  
  
Raijin laughed hoarsely. 'But it's working on Mr. SeeD here. Look how he's shaking.' He said.  
  
'Get up.' Seifer said softly, pushing Squall's blade away gently.  
  
'Don't think of running.' Squall growled as Raijin stood up.  
  
'Where would I go? I'm here for Seifer.' Raijin replied.  
  
In that moment with no sound, no flicker of emotion, Seifer swung the point of Hyperion up under Raijin's jaw, piercing flesh and pulled the trigger, blowing away his face and chest. Raijin's torn body falling back lifeless, as Seifer stood motionless as blood dripped off Hyperion's blade.  
  
He then stuck Hyperion into the ground taking off his jacket and draping it over Raijin as Squall stood there his mouth gaping soundlessly.  
  
'Let's just go home.' Seifer said softly gripping Hyperion and turning back into the forest as Squall stared at Raijin for a moment and then followed without a word. 


	16. Voyeur

Voyeur  
  
And when the day ends I'm sure she feels sorrow, The lonely guy I am, I like to watch her change.  
  
Blink 182, Voyeur.  
  
Irvine leant nonchalantly against the central elevator in Balamb Garden watching life pass him by. It had been a month since he had let Selphie go and it still pained him. He knew it was his idea but he didn't want to hurt Selphie by his flirtatious ways and so had to hurt them both in this small way instead.  
  
They were still friends in a way but of course it was strained. He was happy yet also hurt that Selphie had found something to take her mind off it, if only he had something too.  
  
He idly pretended to shoot a moth that fluttered by before pushing off the steel wall and went for a stroll. Deep in thought, his feet automatically took him to the dormitories, namely Selphie's room.  
  
He awoke from his stupor to find himself outside Selphie's door without knowing why and hearing muffled giggles through the metal door.  
  
'She sounds happy about something.' He thought glumly when his brain finally caught up with his ears and he realised there were two different feminine giggle coming from Selphie's room.  
  
'What's going on here?' he thought and pressed his ear against the door to quench his curiosity. It was then that one set of giggling turned to soft moans. Moans of pleasure that he knew all too well.  
  
He continued to listen, unable to pull himself away as Selphie's moans grew louder giving way to brief shrieks and sharp gasps. Through it all arousal and anger built up within Irvine, fusing him to the spot. It was only when the sounds stopped, the silence punctuated with soft giggles and the sound of lips on lips in a deep kiss that Irvine defused, pulling away from the door, his arousal making walking painful.  
  
With full sense of preservation and nothing from his conscious mind, Irvine slipped into an alcove as Selphie's door slid open, her voice becoming louder as she and her companion walked past without seeing. Irvine noticed that her yellow sunflower dress was all rumpled but what shocked him more was who she was with. 'Xu!?' he thought shocked. 'Son of a bitch.' He muttered sinking into shadow. 


	17. Nothing Else Matters

Nothing Else Matters  
  
So close no matter how far, Couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trust in who we are, Ain't nothing else matters.  
  
Metallica, Nothing Else Matters  
  
They sat in the cafeteria, opposite one another in an awkward silence, gazing into each other's eyes.  
  
'So. how?' Zell asked breaking the silence.  
  
'I was born like this.' Jade replied.  
  
'You're parents couldn't cope so they abandoned you?' he said without thinking.  
  
'I don't know. I never met them. I've beem at Garden for as long as I can remember.' She replied softly.  
  
'Oh? I haven't seen you around.' Zell said.  
  
'I used to be at Trabia, kept in a kind of isolation until Headmaster Cid demanded I was to be transferred here for some kind of normal life.' She explained.  
  
'Must've been tough huh?' Zell said softly.  
  
'What about you?' Jade asked.  
  
'Me? Well I was raised in an orphanage with Quistis, Squall and the others until I was adopted by the Dincts and forgot about it as I joined Garden.' Zell told her.  
  
'So you didn't know your real parents either?' Jade asked.  
  
'No, but I was lucky to get a great new family.' He replied 'I guess that's why you got Quistis.' He added.  
  
'Huh?' Jade asked puzzled.  
  
'As Instructor. Quistis had it tough when she was young so she'd be able to understand pretty well.' He explained.  
  
'Oh right. yeah she's great.' Jade said softly looking down at her gloved hands.  
  
'At least now I know why you fight so well.' Zell said to her also looking at her hands wanting to reach out for them.  
  
'How do you mean?' Jade asked rubbing her hands together nervously.  
  
'All the control you have over your passions, having to hold back from your desires, it all comes out in combat right?' he answered.  
  
She looked up at him. 'How did you know?' she gasped.  
  
Zell grinned. 'Well I'm kind of the same. I'm passionate in combat though I don't have much control over myself elsewhere as you may have noticed.' He told her.  
  
'Hmm' she said smiling. 'So what about when it comes to girls?' she teased.  
  
Zell blushed 'Ah well no girl could put up with me. besides I don't know how I could cope with Ma's reaction.' He said mumbling.  
  
Jade laughed. 'I'm sure she'd be happy.' She told him.  
  
'Yeah happy to get out all my kiddy pictures and embarrass me!' Zell said chuckling.  
  
Jade laughed even more. 'Sounds like I should meet her then.' She said softly.  
  
Zell blinked in surprised but didn't say anything in reply.  
  
'What's that?' Jade asked as a little beeping sound suddenly went off.  
  
'Dammit.' Zell muttered looking at his wrist. 'I got a class. Do you fancy meeting up later?' he asked her.  
  
'Sure.' She replied smiling as he got up to go.  
  
Zell's mind wasn't up to teaching, so he set the class up into sparring pairs allowing his mind to think freely as wandered between the students, making any corrective comments if required. Finally class was over and Zell was able to go and sort out something to do with Jade that night.  
  
Jade lay on her bed, gazing up at the ceiling but not really seeing. All the visions were inside her head and she didn't want them to stop.  
  
'Why am I to be cursed like this? Why can't I feel loved like everyone else?' she thought bitterly as she still couldn't stop thinking of Zell. She could feel herself slowly losing control and a part of her wanted it so much but her rational side knew what would happen if she did, and she didn't want to kill Zell, with his energy, his passion, his direct friendliness and his fit body.  
  
'I've so got to stop thinking about that!' she mused to herself.  
  
'I wonder where Zell will take me tonight?' she thought to herself trying to figure out what kind of thing Zell would see as a first date.  
  
'Ah Zell.' Headmaster Cid said looking up from his desk. 'Do you have a problem?' he asked.  
  
'I wanted to talk to you about Jade Feyr.' Zell said sitting at the desk.  
  
Cid's face paled. 'Has something happened?' he said his voice wavering.  
  
'What, like someone being suddenly poisoned? No.' Zell said with slight sarcastic ness.  
  
'So you know of her condition then?' Cid replied.  
  
'Yeah but how is it possible?' Zell asked.  
  
'She's a poison elemental, one of a kind. We have no idea how she came to be that way.' Cid told him. 'So finally fell in love Zell? Edea would be happy to hear that.' Cid added amiably.  
  
Zell blushed. 'Yeah I like her but what can I do? I can't get too close to her..' he admitted.  
  
'Well I'm sure you'll work something out Zell, you're a lot smarter than you let on. However I'd rather you didn't let on about Jade to other students. She was isolated enough in Trabia. I won't have it here.' Cid said as Zell went to leave.  
  
That night Zell knocked on Jade's door dressed less casually than usual but not going so far as to wear his SeeD uniform.  
  
'You look good.' He said to Jade as she opened the door in her casual clothes.  
  
She blushed slightly and replied 'So what do you have in mind?'  
  
'Well I couldn't plan anything too special but how does a walk along the beach sound?' he said grinning.  
  
It was a while later as they walked down the beach, waves crashing beside them and Zell slipped his hand into Jade's gloved one drawing her in.  
  
'Sorry it's not much fun.' He told her.  
  
'It's okay, I'm happy being here. It's not often I go to the beach.' She told him.  
  
'Jade.' Zell said softly.  
  
'Hmm?' Jade murmured, turning towards him.  
  
'I have to do something but don't blame yourself if it goes wrong.' He told her.  
  
'Huh?' she said confused.  
  
Then Zell moved closer slipping his arms around her waist and kissed her softly. Jade froze at the touch unable to push away but then as she realised Zell was still there, still standing, their lips touching, her control broke down and she melted into him, kissing back passionately.  
  
A moment later they broke away, Jade looking up into Zell's blue eyes.  
  
'How?' she asked amazed.  
  
'Junction.' Zell said gazing back at her.  
  
'What?' Jade replied.  
  
'I junctioned poison to my status defence. Therefore any contact with poison is negated.' Zell replied smiling.  
  
'But they said in Trabia it wouldn't work like that for me!' she told him.  
  
'Why not? Because you're a person and elements wouldn't work the same? I figured it was worth the risk to find out.' He told her still holding her tight.  
  
'Well I'm glad you did.' She said smiling, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him again. 


	18. Just For

Just For  
  
I want to rip his heart out, Just for hurting you. And I want, to break his body down. Yes I do.  
  
Nickleback, Just For  
  
Quistis entered Squall's office and found him gazing out of the window. It had been four months since Rinoa was killed and still he remained empty, closed in more than he ever had been.  
  
She wanted to help him but she didn't know how. As she approached the desk he looked up.  
  
'Quistis?' he said softly.  
  
'Squall are you alright?' she asked.  
  
Squall's face twitched. 'Do I look alright? Rinoa is gone! How can I be alright!?' Squall snapped.  
  
'I'm sorry.' Quistis said softly, gazing down.  
  
'Do you know how it feels to lose someone?' Squall asked angrily.  
  
'Yes' Quistis said simply. 'I feel it every time I look at you.' She thought to herself.  
  
'Then how can you ask me how I am?' he told her subsiding.  
  
'Because it hurts me that you're like this! I want to help!' she snapped back.  
  
'Why should you care!?' Squall replied.  
  
'Dammit Squall you know why!' Quistis yelled and driven by rage and passion leant over the desk pulling Squall up to her and kissed him hard.  
  
To start with Squall tried to pull away but Quistis held him and he submitted to her will and his own pent up desires.  
  
Squall woke up later and turned to find Quistis laid next to him asleep.  
  
'Oh Hyne what have I done?' he anguished as he started to get dressed.  
  
Quistis yawned softly as she awoke, watching Squall dress with a faint smile.  
  
Squall looked down at her, no sign of happiness on his face. 'Quistis I'm sorry I shouldn't have done this.' he told her guiltily.  
  
'What? You didn't want this? Didn't want me?' Quistis asked hurt.  
  
'No I just used you. to get rid of the pain inside.' He told her.  
  
Quistis pulled her dress back on and slapped Squall across the face. 'Damn you Squall! I thought you knew what this meant to me!' she yelled and fled, tears welling up in her eyes.  
  
Squall slumped at his desk and placed his head in his hands, his mind torn apart by regret, guilt and sorrow.  
  
'Hey! What's wrong?' Seifer asked as Quistis came hurtling into him, tears streaming down her cheeks. When he couldn't make out what she was saying amongst her sobs he slipped a friendly arm around her shoulders and led her back to her room to calm down.  
  
That was when the whole story finally came pout and Seifer stayed with Quistis until she fell asleep. He tenderly stroked her hair and finally left, striding angrily to Squall's office.  
  
He entered Squall's office trying to remain in control as his fists clenched and unclenched.  
  
'Seifer?' Squall said confused and jumped back as Seifer's fist slammed into his desk.  
  
'You bastard Squall! Why did you do it?' he yelled at him.  
  
'Do what?' Squall asked glancing at Seifer's fist.  
  
'Quistis dammit! You knew how she felt!' he snapped angrily.  
  
'It was a mistake, I didn't mean to.' Squall said lamely.  
  
'A mistake that has crushed Quistis' hopes and dreams Squall. She only ever wanted to be with you and make you happy and when she finally gets that you smash it all.' Seifer said.  
  
'I know that now but this wasn't supposed to happen. We were arguing and things just happened.' Squall replied.  
  
'They happened because you're still so wrapped up in Rinoa dammit! If you didn't bottle it up like that then this wouldn't have happened.' Seifer told him, moving his fist from the desk.  
  
'I want to punch you so much Squall for what you did to her, but that's not the answer. You have to get over Rinoa and in time make it up to Quistis.' Seifer added.  
  
'You can't tell me what to do Seifer!' Squall snapped.  
  
'True but I'm telling you what you should do! And for now you should leave Quistis alone, you've hurt her enough!' Seifer replied and then strode out making his way back to Quistis whilst leaving Squall with a lot to think about. 


	19. Make Me Bad

Make Me Bad  
  
I feel the reason as it's leaving me, no not again. It's quite deceiving as I'm feeling the flesh make me bad.  
  
KoRn, Make Me Bad.  
  
The baton slammed into leafy flesh, curved spikes along its edge stripping green flesh. The plant-like grat shrieked its high-pitched yell waving its long prehensile tendrils at its attacker.  
  
Nida caught the tendril as it wrapped around his arm. Tugging in rage he snapped it, clear fluid spurting from the wound. He swung the baton again crushing the grat's flesh, shattering its wooden endoskeleton.  
  
The grat slumped to the ground and slowly faded away whilst Nida pulled the severed tendril from his arm and threw it to the floor.  
  
He looked at his baton, pleased that it seemed to be standing up to the rigours of combat. If only his life could work so well. He was still reeling from what had happened in the library and then later with Dana, so that he was unable to think clearly. Instead all his pent up feelings and thoughts had come to the fore, each vying for his attention.  
  
He went back to his room and threw the baton onto his desk and stripped out of his gore-soaked uniform. He then pulled on his casual clothes, black jeans and black shirt, not surprisingly clothes that didn't stand out.  
  
Now he knew what he wanted he was going to go get it. He left for the library and arrived there to find Dana stacking books on the shelves, her long blonde hair tied up in a ponytail and Nida couldn't help but notice the way her skirt rode up her legs as she stretched to the higher shelves.  
  
He crept up behind her as she shelved the last book and placed his hands on her hips, making her jump.  
  
'So when do you get off?' he whispered in her ear.  
  
'When you take me.' She thought to herself but replied. 'I have a break soon.'  
  
'How soon?' he asked as he slid a hand under the waistband of her skirt.  
  
Dana tried not to moan softly at his touch. 'Not soon enough.' She whispered back.  
  
'Well it can't be that busy here or someone would've noticed what I'm doing.' He told her, her back pressed against his chest as his hand slid further down caressing her inner thigh.  
  
'Stop please.' She pleaded with his.  
  
'Isn't this what you wanted?' he told her still caressing.  
  
'Yes, only not here.' She breathed.  
  
'Then where?' he asked his fingers creeping slowly upwards.  
  
'The store cupboard.' She told him and finally turned round to him, seeing the same look in her green eyes reflected in his as she led him beyond the desk and into the back room with its smell of dry, musty books.  
  
She grinned as he pushed her back against the wall tearing open her jacket, the buttons falling to the floor, exposing her bra, the pale skin of her cleavage as it heaved with her deep breaths of excitement.  
  
Nida slid his hands inside her jacket and slowly up her back as he kissed and sucked gently on the smooth contours of her collarbone. Dana bit the side of his neck as she started undoing his jeans and she felt the pressure of her bra strap on her back suddenly released.  
  
She winced as Nida lustfully tore at her bra, the material tearing and snapping causing the shoulder strap to crack against her skin as the cup came away in Nida's hand and he moved his lips passionately over the flesh of her breasts.  
  
Dana moaned as he took her erect nipple in his mouth and she felt his hands push her skirt up and heard the soft tearing of the delicate material of her underwear.  
  
Then came the brief sensation of pain as he penetrated her which soon gave way to the persistent tingle of pleasure as she accommodated him and wrapped a leg around his waist.  
  
Nida moved against her passionately, gaining speed as the pleasure grew inside him and he gripped her hips pushing them harder against him. Dana gripped his shoulders tightly, her nails piercing the material of his shirt and raking his flesh as his thrusts continually slammed her against the wall. His body jolted as he came and he groaned softly as the tension released and Dana bit his shoulder in her own pleasure.  
  
His shoulders stung as blood and sweat slowly trickled down his back and they collapsed into each other, spent. He traced the muscles of her tummy with his fingertips as her head rested on his shoulder and ran her hand through his damp hair.  
  
'I was right about you.' She whispered.  
  
'Oh?' he murmured.  
  
'All that locked up passion. you're such an easy lay.' She teased.  
  
Nida raised an eyebrow at that remark. 'So you're using me?' he asked smiling and pinned her to the wall making her giggle.  
  
'Well use me all you want.' He told her as he started to take her again. 


	20. Join Me

Join Me  
  
We are so young, our lives have just begun. But already we are considering, escape from this world.  
  
HIM, Join Me  
  
Drip, drip, the blood spattered on the white porcelain of the sink as the silver blade smoothly cut flesh, each cut closer to the vein. He grit his teeth glad to be able to feel this after being so numb.  
  
His arm was a map of pale streaks of scar tissue, a testament to the pain he had become addicted to, the pain he needed to feel human again now that she was gone.  
  
Squall looked into the mirror and no longer recognised himself, his face thin and sallow, his grey eyes sunk deep in their sockets, blank and unresponsive, his hair long and lank unwashed for weeks.  
  
This was his secret, no-one knew of how he bled. Who would? He was Commander of SeeD, who would question him? It had been a while since he had hurt Quistis which on top of losing Rinoa had pushed him so far inside himself he no longer knew reality. Only the blade and the pain could tell him what was so.  
  
As part of his ritual the blade paused over his wrist, so close it almost touched the flesh. So far he had never pushed the blade in, never severed the pale blue veins on the surface. He had many reasons why he didn't go all the way, there was the fact that he cut to feel, if he died he could no longer feel. This was tied to the second reason, which was his fear of being dead, of non-existence.  
  
But then there was the one reason that wanted him to do it, the whole reason why he bled in the first place. In his mind's eye he could see her, surrounded by white light, safe, serene and waiting for him. Desperately wanting him to join her to soothe his pain, to end her loneliness; Rinoa.  
  
But still the blade never made the fatal cut, never let loose the stream of his life for under that longing to be with Rinoa again was the worry, the nagging fear that if he were to die like this, by his own hand, he wouldn't reach the light, he would be prevented from meeting her in death.  
  
The blade was moved from his wrist and hidden away in the cupboard, blood drying on its edge. The blood flow slowed as the wound begun to heal and once again Squall looked into the mirror and this time started to cry. 


	21. One Step Closer

One Step Closer  
  
Everything you say to me, Takes me one step closer to the edge, And I'm about to break. Linkin Park, One Step Closer.  
  
Irvine's fingers drummed irritably on the table. He was aware of the looks he was getting and the whispered conversations going on behind his back. It had been a week since everyone had found out about Selphie and Xu, and it seemed to be the only thing they could talk about in Garden.  
  
Irvine was tired of the smirks and whispered remarks as he went past and was already tense and annoyed with it, so much so that he had pinned a cadet to the wall and snarled 'We broke up before she met Xu alright!' in reply to the cocky son-of-a-bitch's 'So what's it like to be dumped for a girl?'  
  
That incident had only made things worse and wasn't helping Irvine's temper at all. It wasn't the fact that Selphie was with Xu that bothered him, he was happy for her, in so far as he could be. Besides he himself had a few flings since they split, although they were meaningless one-nighters and what with all that was going on now it was getting really hard for him to pull.  
  
The real problem he had was the people around him acting as if he was the one dumped and that they found it amusing.  
  
'S'up Irvine?' a voice called behind him.  
  
'Hey Zell.' Irvine said softly not turning. Zell sat down beside him with a plateful of hot-dogs.  
  
'Please don't choke this time okay!' Irvine teased as Zell tucked into his hot-dogs.  
  
'Hey come on that only happened once!' Zell retorted spraying breadcrumbs.  
  
'So how's Jade?' Irvine said trying to make conversation.  
  
'Good.' Zell replied. 'Man don't take it seriously.' He added.  
  
'What are you talking about?' Irvine almost snapped.  
  
'The idiots on the Selphie situation. Think of it this way you were the only man for Selphie.' Zell replied swallowing his mouthful of hot-dog. 'What's that supposed to mean?' Irvine asked hoping that Zell wasn't taking a dig at him.  
  
'Well Selphie went off with Xu after you split up which means she doesn't want another guy. Besides its not exactly serious between them right?' Zell explained.  
  
'Hmm I guess. Thanks Zell.' Irvine replied patting him on the shoulder as he got up to leave.  
  
'Any time man.' Zell said cheerfully as Irvine walked away.  
  
Irvine made his way to the Training Centre to blow off some steam. He pulled his shotgun, Exeter, from under his trench coat and shot a Grat between the eyes with pinpoint accuracy. He continued to squeeze the trigger, tension released little by little as the shells reduced the grat to a pulp.  
  
As the monster faded Irvine felt more relaxed and loaded up Exeter for another round. It was then he heard the laugh, a sneering through the nose chuckle that cut to the bone.  
  
Irvine turned to face the cocky cadet that caused him trouble before. 'What's so funny?' Irvine asked irritably.  
  
The cadet grinned sarcastically 'Well you are. You're pathetic, you can't even keep a girl. You're so bad you put her off men!' he replied nastily.  
  
Irvine grit his teeth in rage. 'Where do you get off on talking to me like that?' he snarled.  
  
The cadet chuckled 'You don't belong here and you never have. At least Squall had the decency to be modest.' He said.  
  
'So you got a thing for Squall you queer!' Irvine snapped.  
  
The cadet sighed 'Always it comes to sex with you doesn't it? You never care about what damage you cause.' He told him.  
  
Irvine grinned with realisation. 'So that's it you're pissed I took your girlfriend right.' He smirked.  
  
The cadet's face locked concealing emotion 'Don't be so full of yourself. Like you could take any girl from me! Don't forget where your ex ended up! In the arms of another girl where she'll get more pleasure and tentative passion than she'd get with you, an arrogant clumsy fool!' The cadet tormented.  
  
Irvine never realised what happened, there was a click, an explosion and all he could see through the haze of red was the tumbling form of the cadet, his chest torn away.  
  
Irvin's hand trembled as the weight of Exeter pulled it down and he sank to his knees burying his head in his hands as Exeter slipped from his grasp. 


	22. Might As Well Be On The Moon

Might as Well be on the Moon  
  
I'd cross the universe to be right where you are, But I'm right in your backyard. And I might as well be on Mars.  
  
Alice Cooper, Might as well be on Mars.  
  
'It's strange.' Seifer thought to himself as he watched how peaceful she looked as she slept. It had become a sort of ritual between them that he would stay with her until she fell asleep but now he was finding it hard to tear himself away, unable to look away from her serene face, her hair framing her vulnerable innocence.  
  
He wondered where these feelings were coming from, he had always seen Quistis as the authority figure, an opponent, someone to rebel against. He never took her for the young woman she was, until now.  
  
It had all began when Squall had used her, hurt her and without thinking Seifer had become protective of her, going so far as to confronting Squall to nearly the point of violence.  
  
And now every night he would spend with Quistis, just talking, finding out about the woman behind the Instructor. Every night he sat next to her as she lay on bed softly talking and soothing her, in this bizarre reversal of roles.  
  
Whatever he was feeling he knew it wasn't the same for her. Even though Squall had hurt her to breaking point she would still only love him, Seifer was a friend maybe a brother, a comfort blanket which she needed to hold through this difficult time.  
  
Seifer was having difficulty with this attachment he had to her, it being something he had never really felt in his life, not even with Fujin. In some way it was like his relationship with Ultimecia though he guessed that was due to the fierce protectiveness he felt.  
  
He wanted to explore these feelings further but to do that would mean reciprocation on Quistis' part and he doubted that would happen. Even if it did, what if these feelings didn't go as deep as they seemed, he couldn't bear to cause Quistis more suffering.  
  
So for now he'd settle for this, the comfort of being her for someone, the intimacy without fear of ridicule or rejection. The unknown side that she brought out in him. All this was worth the confusion.  
  
He sighed deeply and softly kissed her forehead making her smile in her sleep. He then crept softly across the room and sidled out the door quietly, ready to repeat this all again tomorrow. 


	23. Numb

Numb  
  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.  
  
Linkin Park, Numb  
  
Squall was surprised by the knock at the door as he wasn't aware of any appointments. He paused in the act of writing a report and answered 'Come in.'  
  
The girl who entered puzzled him further as he didn't recognise her. She was dressed all in blue, blue denim jacket, blue jeans, even her long hair was a pale blue.  
  
'Can I help?' he asked his brow creasing.  
  
'Only yourself.' The girl replied enigmatically as she walked over to the chair opposite Squall.  
  
'Are you a new student? You don't look familiar.' Squall asked as she sat down ignoring what she had said.  
  
The girl looked hurt and replied 'Is that so?'  
  
Squall was beginning to get impatient and put his pen down with a loud click. 'What do you want?' he snapped.  
  
'I want to help soothe your pain dear boy.' The girl whispered.  
  
'What do you mean? I feel no pain.' Squall replied trying to dislodge the notion that the girl's whisper was somehow familiar.  
  
'Really?' the girl answered and then unbuttoned the cuffs of her jacket rolling up the sleeves to expose livid red lines criss-crossing her forearms in a way oh-so familiar to Squall.  
  
Squall gasped as the marks came into vision. 'But how?' he asked confused.  
  
'Every time you hurt yourself you hurt me too.' The girl answered.  
  
'How is that possible?' Squall mumbled unable to tear his eyes from the lines that reflected his own.  
  
'Think of who I am, of what I am to you. I can only protect you so much Squall.' The girl told him touching his face.  
  
Squall's face tingled with cold and he looked up into the girl's eyes. Eyes that were a pale blue, reflecting his own dull grey ones. Eyes that had mesmerised him before over three years ago in the back of a deep cave and a prison of ice.  
  
'Shiva!?' he said softly as he reached for her hand.  
  
'Yes you remember now. Do you remember the promise?' Shiva replied her lips moving closer to his so her breath tickled his skin.  
  
'You liked my mind, you said you could live there forever in return for protecting me, never leaving me alone.' Squall recounted losing himself in Shiva's eyes.  
  
'And now Rinoa's you feel so alone, it's all dark inside where I live Squall, you forgot about me and now when you cut yourself you cut me too, only my flesh cannot heal as well as yours.' She whispered.  
  
'Why didn't you just talk to me in my mind?' Squall asked.  
  
'Would it have been this effective? Would you have realised what damage you were doing to yourself if you couldn't see it on someone else? Shiva replied her lips almost brushing his.  
  
'But I need it.' Squall replied almost whining.  
  
'Then I guess I should leave you. I can't protect you from this.' Shiva replied harshly pulling her hand and lips away from him.  
  
'No!' Squall yelled as he snapped back into focus, his deepest fear brought to the surface.  
  
'Then you have to stop Squall, you have to go back to living, feeling again. I know it will be hard but don't forget I'll be here.' Shiva said softly.  
  
'How can I stop?' Squall mumbled, tears slowly welling up in his eyes.  
  
'By remembering that Rinoa is still here with you.' Shiva told him.  
  
'How?' Squall asked in disbelief.  
  
Shiva chuckled softly 'So forgetful my dear boy. What happens when a Sorceress dies?' she asked him.  
  
Squall's brow creased as he thought. 'She passes on her powers.' He said finally.  
  
Shiva grinned 'Exactly. She passed them on to you Squall. A part of her lives on in you. Do you want to destroy that too?' she told him.  
  
Squall gazed down at his hands, a number of emotions flickering across his face, his mouth twitching into a smile. 'Really?' he asked.  
  
'Yes really. Never forget that both of us are with you always Squall.' Shiva replied leaning forward and softly kissing him.  
  
'Be strong and live Squall.' She whispered to him as she faded away. 


	24. The Story So Far

The Story So Far  
  
Did you notice I was afraid? I thought I'd run out of things to say.  
  
New Found Glory, The Story So Far.  
  
Selphie lay on her bed on her side, her hands resting on Xu's hand as it made slow lazy circular motions over her tummy. Xu's other hand was gently stroking Selphie's hair as the two girls playfully wrapped their legs together.  
  
'I can't believe its been two months already!' Selphie said softly, enjoying the tingling sensation as the hairs on the back of her neck rose to the motion of Xu's hand.  
  
'You must be enjoying yourself.' Xu whispered.  
  
'Very much!' Selphie replied slipping her fingers between Xu's and gripping her hand. Xu smiled and continued to play with Selphie's hair glad that she had been in that chat room.  
  
'This reminds me of our first night together.' Selphie said softly, her eyes closed.  
  
'Oh?' Xu replied smiling.  
  
'Yeah, you came to see me and we ended up cuddling all night.' Selphie sighed softly.  
  
'Took us a while to get past that didn't it?' Xu said teasing.  
  
Selphie blushed. 'Well it was my first time!' she replied 'Makes me wonder how many other girls you've been with!' she added teasing Xu back.  
  
'Only one.' Xu whispered in her ear.  
  
Selphie grinned rolling over so she was eye to eye with Xu. She gently flicked the tip of her tongue over Xu's pale full lips and drew her in for a kiss.  
  
'So no regrets then?' Xu said running her hands through Selphie's hair as the kiss ended.  
  
'Why should I have?' Selphie asked, confusion flashing in her eyes.  
  
'Irvine.' Xu said softly and felt Selphie squirm uncomfortably in her arms. 'I know you blame yourself.' She added.  
  
'Well it was because of me he killed that cadet.' Selphie replied her gaze wavering.  
  
'No he did it because he didn't like being made fun of.' Xu replied soothingly her long fingers tracing the curves of Selphie's cheek and she moved her lips to her neck, where she started to kiss Selphie above the collarbone, the spot she loved most.  
  
Selphie shivered 'Stop it.' She moaned.  
  
Xu looked up at her questionably 'Why?' she asked  
  
'I just want to cuddle for now.' Selphie said giving one of her bright smiles.  
  
'Okay.' Xu said softly and slid her arms around Selphie's waist. Selphies hands slid to Xu's hips her fingers gripping gently.  
  
'Better?' Xu whispered her lips brushing Selphie's.  
  
'Only with you.' Selphie sighed resting her head against Xu's and closed her eyes. Xu grinned as Selphie's hands contradicted her words by sliding under her top and running her fingers up and down her spine.  
  
'I thought you just wanted to cuddle?' Xu whispered into Selphie's ear.  
  
Selphie pulled back slightly so she could see Xu's face 'I am cuddling!' she retorted sticking her tongue out.  
  
'Hmm.' Xu murmured and rolled over so she was on top and sat up, straddling Selphie's waist.  
  
'Hey!' Selphie squealed 'Why do you get to be on top?' she pouted.  
  
'Cause I say so.' Xu grinned down at her running her hands down Selphie's sides and started tickling her.  
  
'Hey! No fair!' Selphie said as she burst out laughing squirming under Xu. Selphie grabbed Xu's wrists and pulled her arms up from her sides. 'Gotchu!' she grinned triumphantly.  
  
'Hey!' Xu cried pulling Selphie up to her.  
  
'My turn to be on top.' Selphie retorted as she flipped Xu onto the bed and pinned her down. Her fingers traced the line of buttons of Xu's blouse and playfully undid them exposing Xu's creamy skin and flat tummy.  
  
'What are you doing?' Xu breathed as Selphie's fingers traced the shallow dimple of her belly button and then she lowered her lips to it. Xu held her breath in anticipation and was surprised when Selphie blew a raspberry on her tummy.  
  
'Ahh!' Xu screamed giggling as the vibration of Selphie's lips tickled her.  
  
Selphie looked up grinning 'Wasn't expecting that huh? I bet you thought I was going down on you.' She teased. Xu blushed and grabbed a pillow hitting hey with it.  
  
'Why you!!' Selphie trilled and grabbed a pillow and hit Xu back.  
  
'Ahh!' Xu cried at a disadvantage.  
  
'Whoops!' Selphie laughed as a blow from her pillow broke Xu's bra exposing her breasts.  
  
'You did that on purpose!' Xu yelled at her, trying to hold her bra together.  
  
'Let me help.' Selphie said mischievously as she slipped her hands under Xu's and gently cupped her breasts and kissed Xu passionately, the two girls sinking down onto the bed. 


	25. Awaken

Awaken  
  
Awaken you, with a little evil inside.  
  
Disturbed, Awaken.  
  
Nida lay on his bed as the dawn's first rays slipped through his curtains. The pale light crept across his room highlighting the smooth surface of his desk and the plain green carpet of the floor. The corner of his room was in shadow as was his bed. Even though it was early morning Nida lay on top of the covers of his bed fully clothed, the shoulders of his shirt torn, strips of black cotton hung down onto his pillow, spreading out. He hadn't slept all night, instead he gazed up at the blank ceiling in the dark ignoring the pain in his shoulders and was charged with energy.  
  
It had only been yesterday that he had sex with Dana in the book cupboard and for his second time ever, he was surprised how good he and it was. Lust and passion had completely taken over him as he pinned her against the wall and took her three times before she had to forcibly pry herself away and change her torn uniform, the flesh underneath covered in small red marks and bruises where he had bitten and sucked. Luckily she was able to change and get back to work without anyone noticing while he had to leave her for now and see her again the next day. He had left the library almost visibly vibrating, his shoulders bare and oozing blood from where she had dug her nails in and scratched.  
  
He ended up going back to his room and crashing out on his bed in an effort to wind down but the thoughts buzzing in his head wouldn't let him be and in the end night had fallen and passed without him realising.  
  
He became aware of an aching sensation that demanded his attention, an insistent need that pulled his hand down his body to his jeans which he undid, releasing part of the pressure.  
  
He closed his eyes as he caressed himself imagining he was back inside Dana again, his lips tracing the contours of her body as her arms enveloped him pulling him in deeper. The motion of his hand started to speed up, the strokes getting harder as his fantasy continued and climax approached. The fantasy was disrupted as he orgasmed explosively his body jolting spasmodically. He lay there breathing deeply, his eyes still closed as he held himself.  
  
The brief relief he had given himself had sated the aching for a moment, now it was back stronger than before. Nida threw himself off the bed tearing off his clothes, leaving them strewn across the floor as he stepped into his en-suite shower to wash off the sweat, dried blood and other bodily fluids that covered his skin. The hungry aching feeling grew as Nida scrubbed his body clean. He needed to satiate his lust but it wasn't enough to do it by hand, he needed Dana.  
  
He dressed in a dark thin cotton T-short and button-fly jeans. Clothes that he could easily get out of, torn off if need be. He made his way down the corridor towards the girl's dormitory. On his way he noticed two girls dressed in full SeeD uniform, both fair skinned with long dark hair bound up in a pony-tail. They didn't seem to notice Nida as he strolled towards them, the two of them engrossed in a card game they were playing.  
  
Nida caught a waft of perfume that made his whole body flinch and couldn't help himself as he surreptitiously slid his hand up the skirt of the girl nearest to him and pinched her behind before walking on. The girl jumped as he did so yelling 'Hey!' in surprise as the other girl yelled 'Jerk!' to his retreating back.  
  
Nida smirked to himself as he came to Dana's door and knocked softly on it. She opened the door half asleep, her long blonde hair in a mess sticking out in places.  
  
'Nida?' she mumbled in surprise and stepped back as he stepped into the room.  
  
'What are you doing here?' she yawned.  
  
'I want you.' Nida replied softly.  
  
'Nida I just woke up. I'm a wreck!' she replied sitting down on her bed.  
  
'You look great to me.' Nida replied moving closer.  
  
'Thanks but can't you come back later?' she told him smiling at the compliment.  
  
'No! I want you now!' Nida said raising his voice.  
  
'Nida I'm tired! I'm not here to have sex at your beck and call!' she snapped.  
  
'Fine.' Nida said softly.  
  
'Good now come back later okay?' she said softly, standing up and stretching.  
  
The next moment Nida had dived on her pushing her down onto her bed and tearing open the thick bathrobe she was wearing laying bare her soft naked flesh.  
  
'Nida what the fuck!?' she screamed at him trying to push him off and noticed the mad gleam in his eye.  
  
Nida didn't reply as his hands pinned her arms down as his lips moved down her neck. Dana tried to yank her arms from under him and twisted her body to lever him off. In the end she was able to get a leg between his and sharply bring her knee up into his groin causing him to curl up in pain and roll off her to the floor.  
  
Dana stood up wrapping the robe around her, breathing heavily, her body trembling with the anger of being violated.  
  
Nida gave a hoarse cry of pain as he uncurled looking dazed. 'What was that about?' Dana snarled.  
  
'I'm sorry I don't know what came over me.' He whispered in reply.  
  
'That isn't good enough Nida! I can't believe you'd do that to me! I told you to wait but now you can forget about even thinking of touching me! Get the hell out!' Dana yelled at him.  
  
'I see, part of me wants to blame you for this, the part you awoke when we had sex, the part that hungers for you to be in you.' Nida said slowly, getting up. 'But I'm to blame I could control this raging lust burning inside me but I don't want to. I imagine your body against mine and I want it to be real.' He said softly looking into her eyes.  
  
'So that's all I am to you? A sex toy? A thing in which to spend yourself? For fuck sake Nida you just tried to rape me!' she screamed at him.  
  
'I know I was there!' he yelled back. 'I can't rationalise it, I can't make it right! Hyne I can't think straight while I'm looking at you!' he yelled back his fists clenching and unclenching.  
  
'Just get out okay? Go cool off somewhere. I don't want to talk or look at you right now so leave please.' Dana said softly.  
  
Nida nodded and left the room wishing he could take back the last fifteen minutes but that small part that controlled his lust kept prodding him with visions of Dana naked and it was the sheer force of will that enabled him to leave without reaching out to touch her.  
  
The door slammed behind him and he could hear soft sobs through it. The rational part of him wanted to comfort her but he knew he'd degenerate to a frenzied lust-controlled monster.  
  
He walked back to his room, punching the wall in response to his stupidity, self-loathing growing inside him.  
  
Back in his room he smashed the mirror fracturing his normal features, blood trickling between his fingers as glass shards lacerated his skin. He wanted anything to take place of this disgusting lust inside him, even pain, maybe death. Trailing blood over the carpet he sat at the computer terminal set into the wall at the northern corner of his room. Splashing scarlet red spots of blood over the keys he signed in and proceeded to write an email.  
  
"Dear Dana,  
I can't begin to express my regret and sorrow of what I did today. I lost control because I finally had something I've wanted for a long time, someone who cared for me and that I cared about. However there is nothing that can excuse what I've done and I don't seek forgiveness.  
  
Love always,  
Nida."  
  
He sent the email and lay on his bed, his wounded hand sticking to his stomach as the blood seeped into his T-shirt. His eyes closed as his emotion-wracked mind finally succumbed to tiredness and he drifted into the darkness of sleep. 


	26. Myself

Myself  
  
If life was a game, could I win in the end? And if I were sane, would I fuck it up all over again? These Questions and answers won't help me redefine myself.  
  
Taproot, Myself  
  
Irvine sat in the cell, all four walls blank, white and opaque. There was no window the only light coming from the unnatural fluorescent strips above him and the pale light that seeped through the air holes that ran along the bottom of the wall where the door was.  
  
The door began to open as Irvine stared at it from his bunk and Seifer stepped in, locking the door behind him. Irvine glanced at him with a look of hatred but could see no smirk or pity in Seifer's face only the glaze of sorrow in his eyes.  
  
'Why are you here?' Irvine snapped.  
  
'To talk.' Seifer said softly.  
  
'About what?' Irvine replied bitterly.  
  
'This. The fact you'll be transferred to Galbadia Prison.' Seifer stated.  
  
'What?' Irvine exploded jumping up from his bed.  
  
'You murdered that cadet Irvine, even if it was in a fit of rage it's still murder.' Seifer told him softly, not moving.  
  
'Unlike the cold calculating way you killed Raijin.' Irvine snapped.  
  
'Raijin was a murderer, he killed Rinoa in cold blood and who knows who would've been next.' Seifer told him.  
  
'So are you going to kill me then?' Irvine sneered.  
  
'No.' Seifer replied calmly.  
  
'You're no different than me so why are you free and I'm locked in this cage?' Irvine raged.  
  
'You killed an innocent.' Seifer replied his gaze unwavering.  
  
'And how many have you killed Seifer? You have no right to judge me!' Irvine yelled angrily strolling up and down what little space he had.  
  
'I'm not the one judging. The Garden Committee did that and decided you had to spend ten years in Galbadia Prison as punishment.' Seifer explained.  
  
'What?! Squall chose to put me away? Fuck!' Irvine growled and collapsed onto his bunk.  
  
Seifer sighed 'Squall didn't chose anything, he was over-ruled due to his relationship with you.' Seifer told him.  
  
'He didn't abandon me?' Irvine said softly.  
  
'No-one has abandoned you Irvine. We want to help but it's out of our hands. The minimum amount of time you'll be there is three years. It's the best we could do.' Seifer said trying to console him.  
  
'Three years minimum? What do you mean?' Irvine said softly tears creeping into his eyes.  
  
'If you control your temper and be a "model" prisoner then your sentence will be reduced.' Seifer explained.  
  
'I see.' Irvine said softly.  
  
'Are you ready to go?' Seifer said softly.  
  
Irvine stood and nodded.  
  
'Okay.' Seifer replied and opened the door to lead him to his new life. 


	27. Alive

Alive  
  
I feel so alive, for the very first time. I can't deny you, I feel so alive.  
  
P.O.D, Alive  
  
Squall strolled down the corridor mumbling to himself trying to figure out what to say as he approached Quistis' room. He was dressed casually in black jeans and white T-shirt, his forearms wrapped up in bandages to conceal his scars.  
  
Standing outside her door Squall breathed deeply a few times before knocking.  
  
'Coming!' came a muffled reply as the handle turned and the door opened inwards, framing Quistis in sunlight.  
  
'Squall?' she asked surprised.  
  
'Can I come in?' Squall asked softly.  
  
'Sure.' Quistis replied stepping back and opening the door further so he could enter her room.  
  
Quistis' room was light and airy, her bed clothes shades of peach and cream. He wasn't surprised to find it neat and ordered and stood in the centre of the room and waited for Quistis to shut the door and face him.  
  
'So.' Quistis said as she walked past him and sat on her bed looking up expectantly.  
  
'You know why I'm here right?' Squall said softly, nervously drumming his fingers against his thigh.  
  
'I guess.' Quistis replied but not sure why, was he here to apologise or here to sleep with her again? Deep down a part of her hoped it was the latter.  
  
'I'm sorry for what I did to you Quistis. You've always looked out for me. Always wanted to be a part of my life and I abused that. There's nothing I can do or say to make it up to you.' Squall said slowly and sincerely his grey eyes never leaving her green ones.  
  
'Squall I am a part of your life.' Quistis murmured.  
  
'But not the part you want and when I slept with you I falsely led you to believe that you could finally have that part.' Squall replied.  
  
'You were mourning Rinoa..' Quistis said softly.  
  
'That was no excuse so please don't use it to excuse me Quistis. I should've remembered she's still here with me and there are others that are here that care for me.' Squall said raising his voice softly.  
  
'So you want me to hate you?' Quistis asked standing up.  
  
'No, but I didn't want you to be hurt. I wish I could take it back.' Squall told her.  
  
'I don't' Quistis said softly.  
  
'Why?' Squall asked in surprise.  
  
'Because I got to be with you Squall even if it was for a moment I got to see the real you.' She replied moving closer to him.  
  
'But doesn't it hurt you that it won't happen again?' Squall asked nervously noticing how close she was getting.  
  
'I can cope.' Quistis told him. 'Besides it might happen again.' She thought to herself.  
  
'So we're okay now? We're still friends right because I don't want to lose that.' Squall replied.  
  
'Of course.' Quistis smiled and leant forward kissing his forehead.  
  
Squall recoiled in shock.  
  
'Relax it's just a friendly kiss.' Quistis said smiling.  
  
'Okay.' Squall said as his heart wound down from a purr to a slow natural rhythm.  
  
'What happened to your arms Squall?' Quistis asked noticing the bandages for the first time and entering Instructor mode.  
  
'My own stupidity.' Squall replied looking away from her.  
  
'You cut yourself?' Quistis gasped realising what he meant.  
  
'Yes but I've stopped now so please lets not get into it.' Squall admitted.  
  
'Why the hell did you do it?' Quistis asked angrily, hurt that he'd hurt himself.  
  
'Only way I could cope at the time.' He mumbled.  
  
'Let me see!' Quistis asked grabbing his wrists. 'Do you really have to see?' Squall asked softly not pulling his arms from her.  
  
'Yes.' Quistis said softly, tears welling in her eyes.  
  
'Why?' he murmured gazing directly into her pain filled eyes.  
  
'Because I have to.' Quistis told him.  
  
Squall slipped his arms from her hands and wrapped them around her waist drawing her into an embrace.  
  
'It's nothing that won't heal with time. Please don't torment yourself over it.' Squall whispered into her ear as she sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
'I can't help it.' She said softly.  
  
'Then be happy it doesn't happen anymore. That I'm here with you and I'm myself again.' He told her.  
  
'Okay. Squall?' she said.  
  
'Yeah?' he asked.  
  
'Can we stay like this for a while?' she asked him softly sniffing as she wrapped her arms around him and noticed he didn't flinch at her touch.  
  
'I guess so.' He said smiling.  
  
'Thanks.' She sighed softly and held onto him closing her eyes. 


	28. Fallen Wishes

Fallen Wishes  
  
Take me away from here, this planet is all too weird. I got to get out of here, release this fear, Forever in a daze.  
  
Cyclefly, Fallen Wishes.  
  
Dana sat in the light airy office and gazed at the desk before her with its stack of paper and assorted unknown odd aments also surprising was a deck of Triple Triad cards that looked well used. Behind her were two cubicles, their surgical white curtains drawn.  
  
She was waiting nervously for Dr. Kadowaki to return with an answer to one of her two main worries at the moment.  
  
It had been two weeks since she had last seen Nida or heard from him since his email. She hadn't noticed him at all around Garden and this worried her. Her other worry was why she was here in the Infirmary. Her period was a week late now and she'd come and asked Kadowaki for a test.  
  
That had been half an hour ago when she'd been left alone and the waiting was getting unbearable.  
  
She heard the door slide open as Dr. Kadowaki walked in. The middle aged woman in a white doctors coat and motherly skirt had friendly inviting features and was well liked by the cadets and SeeDs, most of which had been seen by her at one time or another.  
  
Dr. Kadowaki's face was passive as she sat at her desk on the opposite side to Dana. Dana looked at her nervously 'So?' she asked softly.  
  
'It's positive. You're two weeks pregnant.' Dr. Kadowaki told her.  
  
'Oh.' Dana replied non-commit ally her body freezing in shock at the news.  
  
Dr. Kadowaki patted her hand consolingly. 'It's still early so you can still decide what to do. Is the father aware?' she asked.  
  
Dana burst into tears. 'No I haven't seen him since, since..' she sobbed.  
  
'A one night stand?' Dr. Kadowaki asked softly as she handed Dana some tissues.  
  
'Well it was going to be something more but we had an argument and I haven't heard from him.' Dana sniffed.  
  
'Hmm. Who is he?' Dr. Kadowaki asked sincerely.  
  
'Nida.' Dana told her.  
  
'Nida? Doesn't sound like him.' Dr. Kadowaki said surprised.  
  
She picked up the phone and dialled a number as Dana watched numbly. Dr. Kadowaki held the receiver to her ear. 'Quistis? It's Dr. Kadowaki. I'm just wondering if there's any way to contact Nida.' She said.  
  
There was a pause and a muffled reply.  
  
'I see. No duties at all? Okay. Thanks Quistis. Bye.' Kadowaki replied and set the receiver down.  
  
She then picked it up again and redialled another number. It was a while before there was an answer, this time a male's voice.  
  
'Ah Seifer, sorry to bother you but I need you to check on someone for me.' Kadowaki told him.  
  
'Nida.' She told him after his reply and flipped through a Roladex before adding 'Room 678.'  
  
There was another muffled reply.  
  
'You'll do it now? Thanks dear.' Kadowaki said gratefully and set the receiver down.  
  
'Just you relax Dana. We'll get news about Nida soon.' Kadowaki said softly.  
  
Seifer strolled down the dormitory corridor until he came to room 678 and knocked on the door.  
  
'Nida?' Seifer called through the door after a few moments silence. He rattled the doorknob but the door was locked.  
  
'Dammit!' Seifer muttered and put his shoulder to the door and slamming against it, the wood creaking. He tried again and there was a splintering sound as the bolt tore the wood away from the doorframe.  
  
Seifer was hit by the smell as he stumbled into the room. He cupped his hand over his nose and mouth to protect himself from the stench as his eyes watered. 'Oh God!' he said softly as he regained his balance and saw what was on the bed.  
  
Nida's body lay there stiff and grey, the skin taut and sunken in places due to loss of fluid. Blood had soaked into his clothes and bedding before drying and staining it a rusty brown. Flesh was green and rotten around his fist where deep cuts had been. Seifer couldn't stand to look any longer and left the room heaving. He pulled the door shut and composed himself before heading off towards the Infirmary.  
  
Dana was sat in a cubicle deep in thought when Seifer came rushing in. She could hear Dr. Kadowaki gasp softly and a whispered conversation.  
  
'What's going on?' she asked getting up and coming out from the cubicle.  
  
Seifer looked at her a mixture of confusion and sympathy clouding his face. He then turned to Dr. Kadowaki who gave him an imperceptible nod. Seifer took a deep breath as he looked to Dana again.  
  
'Nida's gone.' He said softly.  
  
'He's left Garden?' Dana asked.  
  
'No. he's dead.' Seifer replied slowly and bluntly unable to break the news to her any other way.  
  
'No.' Dana said softly 'You're lying!' she then screamed at him.  
  
Seifer looked imploringly at Dr. Kadowaki.  
  
'He wouldn't lie about this dear.' Kadowaki said to her patting her shoulder consolingly.  
  
'How did he die?' Dana demanded shrugging Kadowaki's hand away.  
  
'He bled to death. Seems he cut his hand and fell asleep without realising how bad it was.' Seifer informed her, his face pale.  
  
'Where is he?' Dana asked as she made a decision.  
  
'He's still in his room.' Seifer said softly aware of what she was thinking.  
  
'I want to see him.' Dana said forcefully.  
  
'I knew she'd say that.' Seifer thought and said out loud 'I suggest you shouldn't. It's not a nice sight.'  
  
'I have to see for myself.' Dana replied glaring at Seifer.  
  
Seifer glanced hopefully at Kadowaki but could see he'd get no help there.  
  
'Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you. Let's go.' He said relenting.  
  
'Okay.' Dana said and followed him out the Infirmary.  
  
They walked to Nida's room in silence, Dana steeling herself for what vision lay ahead with every step. Meanwhile Seifer was regretting his decision since he didn't want to see what was left of Nida again.  
  
Seifer took a deep breath as they arrived at Nida's room.  
  
'Are you ready?' he asked softly as he placed a hand on the door. Dana nodded silently.  
  
'Okay.' Seifer said pushing the door open gently and bracing himself. It was as bad as it had been the first time, the decayed ruin of Nida's body didn't come as less of a shock the second time around.  
  
Beside him Dana shook uncontrollably.  
  
'No!' she murmured softly 'No, no, no!! This can't be true. Nida!' she cried hysterically tears running down her cheeks.  
  
Seifer panicked unable to cope with hysterics. Fortunately Dana solved the problem by fainting into his arms.  
  
Seifer sat by Dana's bedside in the Infirmary having carried her in an hour ago. He wondered why Nida's death had such as effect on her. Could it be Nida finally got a girlfriend?  
  
There was a soft groan as Dana awoke.  
  
'Hey. You had me worried.' Seifer said softly.  
  
'He's really gone hasn't he?' she said bluntly.  
  
'I'm afraid so.' Seifer sighed.  
  
'Then what do I do now?' she asked the world in general.  
  
'What do you mean?' Seifer asked perplexed.  
  
'I'm pregnant.' Dana said softly.  
  
'Oh.' Seifer murmured, realising.  
  
'So what do you want to do?' he asked.  
  
'I don't know! I'm too young to look after a child myself, but I can't just let Nida go! No-one ever noticed him, I can't let the only thing left of him disappear too!' Dana almost wailed.  
  
'Well you have time to decide and you won't be alone. there's us and Garden.' Seifer said softly. Dana smiled and closed her eyes drifting back into peaceful sleep whilst Seifer wondered why he ended up like this with girls that weren't his own. 


	29. Ace of Spades

Ace of Spades  
  
You know I'm going to lose, And gambling's for fools. But that's the way I like it baby, No-one wants to live forever. And don't forget the Joker!  
  
Motorhead, Ace of Spades  
  
The eight figures sat around the circular table, its surface covered with green felt.  
  
'So are we all here?' said a feminine voice laced with authority.  
  
There was a number of affirmatives from the others.  
  
'And so to business. anyone?' the first voice asked.  
  
'What are we going to do about Squall?' said a masculine voice.  
  
'Yeah he has all our good cards!' chimed two feminine voices together.  
  
Quistis sighed 'Well he did beat us all and the Queen of Cards so what do you expect!?' she said testily.  
  
'So does that mean he's Card King now?' Jack said sarcastically.  
  
'No because actually I have all his GF and character cards.' Quistis said smugly.  
  
'Really? In that case could I have Selphie's?' Xu asked whispering.  
  
Quistis sighed theatrically and handed the card over.  
  
'Any other new business? Any up and coming card players?' Quistis demanded.  
  
Club blushed 'Um well some stranged girl beat me the other day.' He admitted.  
  
'Yeah but was that because she was good or you were distracted?' Spade cackled. Club elbowed Spade almost knocking him off his chair.  
  
'For God's sake, you're a pair of children!' Jack said.  
  
'We miss Squall.' the two girls that made the Diamond Duo said spontaneously.  
  
'What are you bitches babbling about?' Jack said testily. 'Say Superior bitches!' one of them retorted.  
  
Jack muttered under his breath.  
  
'Okay we done here?' Quistis said trying to bring some order to the meeting.  
  
'Club needs demoting.' Xu said matter-of-factly looking at a list.  
  
'What!?' Club exploded glaring at her.  
  
'You've lost your last ten matches.' Xu replied.  
  
'So? None of them were against Jack!' Club snarled.  
  
'No, but they were against my little sister.' Jack said grinning.  
  
'Fuck! You're kidding me! I got to go back to being lower than this git?' Club said pointing emphatically at Jack.  
  
'Afraid so Club.' Xu said trying to hide her grin.  
  
'Okay any new cards to declare?' Quistis said glancing round the table.  
  
A hand gently slipped a card onto the table and covered it tightly. A figure that had been silent throughout opened his mouth.  
  
'One triple A.' Joker said simply.  
  
'Bullshit!' Spade yelled.  
  
'Omega Weapon.' Joker said and raised his hand slowly revealing an artist's impression of Omega Weapon and three white letter A's and a number 7 arranged in a cross in the top left hand corner whilst in the top right was a small circle of elemental symbols.  
  
The others gasped in awe. 'Where did you get that?' Xu breathed.  
  
'I snuck into Ultimecia's castle while Squall, Quistis and the others were fighting. I came across this in the Chapel hidded in the pages of sheet music on the organ.' Joker told them.  
  
'I guess we'd better add it to the list although what category are we going to put it in?' Xu said pulling out a booklet filled with a list of card names.  
  
'Level Eleven, Extreme cards.' Quistis replied.  
  
'That explains why Joker's had a winning streak!' Diamond quipped.  
  
'You'd think I'd use this card in games? You're kidding right? I don't want to lose it!' Joker replied and took the card away.  
  
'Well I guess that's all for this week. Same time again next week?' Quistis said standing up.  
  
'Sure if Xu's not too busy.' Muttered Diamond.  
  
'And what's that to mean?' Xu snapped.  
  
'Well we hear things.' One of them said.  
  
'Yeah since the walls are so thin.' The other said smirking.  
  
Xu gaped silently, blushing madly.  
  
'Okay, enough just get out of her!' Quistis ordered and watched the others leave the room wondering why she continued to put up with this. 


	30. Beautiful

Yeah I know the last chapter said I was going to stop but what the hell I've been really inspired this last week! Lol Besides theres this quote 'Art is born of restriction.' Which in my case is really true since I've written 7 new chapters for this fanfic last week alone with a few more coming! So for all my fans old and new please enjoy my continued rantings!  
  
Also REVIEW!!!! I seriously need the feedback needy author here come on people!!  
  
Oh yeah Disclaimer: I do not own FF8 as I've said before neither do I own the lyrics they belong to the credited bands.  
  
Beautiful  
  
Just one look into your eyes, One look and I'm crying. Cause you're so beautiful.  
  
HIM, Beautiful.  
  
It was night, stars glittered in a cloudless sky and waves crashed in the distance as two figures walked the road back to Garden from Balamb.  
  
'See that wasn't so bad no was it?' Jade asked wrapping her arm around Zell's waist.  
  
'Guess not. I thought Ma would react more though.' He replied squeezing her hand.  
  
'Aww, upset that she hasn't made such a fuss?' Jade teased as the gravel crunched under their boots.  
  
'I dunno, just thought she'd get worried about you stealing me or something.' Zell blushed.  
  
'Well she knows you're all grown up now. Besides she's great so I'll want to keep going to see her myself.' Jade told him, gently squeezing him.  
  
'Hmmm. but only when I'm with you.' Zell replied grinning.  
  
'Oh?' Jade murmured turning to look at him. 'Afraid that some secrets of yours may be revealed?' she taunted playfully.  
  
'Possibly but mainly I just want to keep you to myself.' He answered and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
Jade fell silent resting her head on his shoulder savouring his touch. After spending her whole life condemned to solitary, to a lack of love and the comfort of someone's touch, she was now going to enjoy every sensation with Zell.  
  
Zell smiled to himself as he held her thinking back to the talk he had with his Ma that night.  
  
'So is she that special one?' his Ma had asked him.  
  
'Yeah I guess.' Zell mumbled blushing and scratching his tattooed cheek.  
  
'Well she's such a sweet girl. I'm glad you're settling down. All that "saving the world" won't give me any grandchildren.' Ma Dinct told him.  
  
'Awww Ma.' Zell cringed.  
  
'Awww nothing. I just want my boy to be happy and have his own family.' Mrs. Dinct replied.  
  
'Well we'll see okay Ma.' Zell told her falling silent as Jade entered the room.  
  
'What are you thinking about?' Jade asked bringing him back to the present.  
  
'Just thinking about the future.' Zell replied softly, gently squeezing her.  
  
'Anything specific?' she prompted.  
  
'Just Ma was talking about grandchildren that's all.' Zell told her blushing slightly.  
  
'Oh.' Jade murmured 'Well we'll have to see if that's possible.' She said softly, a little sadly.  
  
'There's no reason why it shouldn't.' Zell assured her.  
  
'What if it is and the baby turns out like me?' Jade asked seriously.  
  
'Then we know what to do. They won't suffer like you had to.' Zell told her gripping her tightly.  
  
'Promise?' she asked looking up into his eyes.  
  
'I promise.' Zell said solemnly and kissed her forehead.  
  
They continued their walk back to Garden in silence, the future and the promise in their minds.  
  
They arrived back in Garden, the halls silent as most cadets were either in the dorms or the other recreational facilities.  
  
'We're not that late are we?' Jade whispered worriedly, scared of a curfew that no longer existed but had been ingrained in the older and less rebellious cadets instincts over the years.  
  
'Nah, Garden usually gets quiet this early. Luckily those Faculty creeps aren't around anymore.' Zell told her.  
  
'Oh. Okay.' Jade said raising her voice to a normal level. However she jumped when a boy came running around the corner.  
  
'Hey kid ain't it time for a break?' Zell yelled after him amiably as he disappeared.  
  
'I'm surprised he hasn't worn a groove in the floor.' He told Jade.  
  
'He does it a lot huh?' she asked as they headed to the dorms.  
  
'Yeah, no idea why though.' Zell mused.  
  
They reached Jade's room and stopped at her door. 'Care to come in Instructor?' she asked grinning.  
  
'Hmm, well I do have class tomorrow.' Zell replied playing along.  
  
'Surely you can stay a while longer?' Jade pouted.  
  
Zell looked at his watch. 'I don't see why not.' He answered smiling and followed Jade into her room.  
  
She left the light off as Zell shut the door behind them, leaving them in darkness, beams of moonlight slinking between the curtains and highlighting the edges of furniture. Zell was surprised as Jade pushed him against the door, kissing him passionately on the lips and pulling his jacket off his shoulders.  
  
She broke away breathlessly as he could see the moonlight in her eyes looking up at him.  
  
'What's this?' Zell asked confused, his mind fogged by surprise and his libido. Jade didn't answer as she pulled his jacket down his arms and the slid her hands up under his T-shirt.  
  
Blushing hotly as his skin tingled under her fingertips, he grabbed her hands.  
  
'Are you sure this is what you want?' he breathed looking into her eyes.  
  
'Yes, I want to know how it feels with you.' She said softly her fingers making small circular motions on the muscles of his abdomen.  
  
'Okay.' He whispered kissing her lightly as he freed her hands to explore whilst following her lead he let his own hands explore her in a way they never had, with anyone.  
  
The insecurities of inexperience crept into Zell's mind as they wandered over to her bed. This was his first ever time and he didn't want to mess it up because it was so important due to how he felt about Jade and he didn't want to ruin it for her as it was new to her now that she was finally free to feel physical comfort and pleasure.  
  
He wanted this experience to be beautiful and perfect just like her. As the layers between them disappeared, their flesh coming together in passionate embrace as they sunk onto the soft mattress of her bed, Zell realised it would be alright after all. 


	31. Beyond Redemption

Beyond Redemption  
  
Feel it turning your heart into stone, Feel it piercing your courageous soul, Beyond our redemption, No-one's gonna catch you when you fall.  
  
HIM, Beyond Redemption.  
  
Seifer sat bolt upright in his bed, trickles of sweat slowly running down his face as the sensation of pain gripped him. A voice of anguish rang in his head compelling him to get up and slip on his shoes and walk out into the corridor in his vest top and pants.  
  
The halls were silent and eerily lit by buzzing fluorescent lights that obliterated shadows and dark. The voice continued to scream, ringing in his head as he followed it to its source, the pain growing as he drew closer.  
  
His fists clenched and unclenched as he braced himself for each wave of the overwhelming pain as curiosity and the voice pulled him along. His walk took him along the central pathway of Garden around to the lift where in a daze he entered and took it to the second floor.  
  
A stronger wave of pain pinned him to the wall momentarily and his vision flashed with coloured dots as he tried to block it.  
  
Blinking his eyes furiously and walking unsteadily he walked down the corridor to the classroom. The door slid open with a soft electronic hiss and lights flickered on with a swift buzz illuminating the benches and finally a curled up figure in the far corner.  
  
Seifer stood silently as he could hear soft sobs from the figure, her long blonde hair moving with her back and shoulders with each sob. Seifer's first thoughts flew to Quistis but he knew now that she and Squall had settled their troubles and Seifer no longer had to sit with her till she slept.  
  
Maybe he was hallucinating or dreaming, the result of his torment of no longer being any use to Quistis, no longer someone's emotional scaffold.  
  
This notion was thrown out of his mind as the strongest wave of pain yet pushed him down to his knees and caused him to clutch his head in agony. The girl must have heard him crumple to the floor as she turned sharply.  
  
'Who's there?' she asked softly her green eyes ringed with red as tears ran down her cheeks.  
  
Seifer rose up breathing heavily as he looked up at her murmuring in reply. 'Seifer Almasy and you are?' The girl stood up and held herself defensively. 'I remember you.' she said pressing further back into the corner in fear.  
  
'How do you know me?' Seifer asked finally standing up and noticing the look on her face adding 'I won't hurt you. You called me here.'  
  
'How?' the girl demanded.  
  
'I felt your pain, heard your screams.' Seifer said softly staying still so not to scare her.  
  
'You heard me? But that's not possible. I'm unjunctioned.' the girl said to herself her features softening.  
  
'Unjunctioned? You're a Guardian?' he replied perplexed.  
  
'Yes, my name is Siren.' The girl told him.  
  
Seifer looked closely at her and realised that the blonde hair cascading down her back was indeed familiar but last time he saw it the owner was less clothed and certainly wasn't wearing a green jacket with a purple vest top and orange skirt.  
  
'Why do you look so different than to when you were summoned against me?' Seifer asked.  
  
She smiled faintly 'We are summoned in our true form but we can also take on a more human and contemporary form if we wish.' She explained.  
  
'So why are you here?' Seifer asked feeling safe to take a step towards her.  
  
'I must atone.' She whispered.  
  
'Atone? You're a Guardian what would you have to atone for?' Seifer asked intrigued.  
  
Siren sat on a desk and looked at him. 'I wasn't always so. on another world I was a monster, a devourer of souls. Then I was killed by a group of travellers and my soul set free.' She told him.  
  
'And somehow you were brought here?' Seifer said looking into her eyes urging her to continue.  
  
'Yes, it wasn't planned for me to die, instead I ended up in another body, another world, a world torn by war and there I was tortured, hunted for my power, as a punishment.' Siren told him softly wiping the tears from her eyes, she continued.  
  
'Again I died, became a stone they called Magicite to be used to protect the innocent and destroy evil and thus my atonement began and here it continues.'  
  
'But surely you have done enough to atone for your past?' Seifer asked his voice tinged with worry.  
  
'All the lives I stole, the families I've destroyed? I could never fully atone for them. My punishment will only end when I am released from this servitude only then will I be at rest.' Siren told him.  
  
'Will we both forever be beyond redemption?' Seifer asked gloomily.  
  
'That is up to you.' Siren replied. 'Once they have forgiven you and you forgive yourself then you will be on the way.' She consoled.  
  
'Thank you.' Seifer said softly.  
  
'There is a reason for our meeting, Seifer, beyond my giving you hope.' She told him.  
  
'What?' Seifer asked his head snapping up to look at her.  
  
'"He" is coming and you have to stop him, there are innocents at risk.' She recited.  
  
'"He"?' Seifer asked puzzled.  
  
'I do not know who "He" is but you will know when "He" comes, and it will be soon.' Siren told him.  
  
'How do you know? Are you sure?' Seifer asked his mind thrown off balance.  
  
'I have been told by Fate, by my senses which fell the distortion in my realm. You must be ready.' Siren explained.  
  
'I see, thank you again.' Seifer breathed smiling.  
  
'It is I who must thank you, Seifer Almasy. Talking with you has been calming. Those of us who seek redemption must stick together for at least we have some good in us to seek it in the first place.' She said comfortingly.  
  
'So I'll be seeing you again?' Seifer said warmed by the feeling of a bond, a privilege.  
  
'Possibly, but now we must both rest.' She replied and faded away before his eyes with a smile.  
  
Seifer stood still on the spot his mind whirring with thoughts and the warmth was marred by a chill of dread as he dwelled upon what was coming. 


	32. For You

For You  
  
In six hundred and sixty-six ways I love you, And I hope you feel the same, I'm here for you.  
  
HIM, For You.  
  
Quistis sat at the table eating her piece of toast in a dreamlike trance. Nothing around her could break into her little world, not even the group of Trepies that watched every single movement of her slender arm, her graceful jaw and full lips as she devoured the bread product in her fingers.  
  
She was amazed at how her life had changed and was afraid she'd wake to find it was all a dream. She had held Squall and he hadn't flinched, had held her back and never let go. The comfort she had felt in that closeness she had to Squall was so great she had fell asleep standing up.  
  
She awoke that morning to find herself tucked into bed her hair swept back behind her ears and a note from Squall reading "Sweet Dreams."  
  
A figure broke her bubble, the sight of white bandages bringing a smile to her face. She looked up into his eyes, her smile broadening as she said 'Good morning.'  
  
Squall sat down beside her returning the smile, unconsciously brushing strands of his hair from his eyes.  
  
'I take it you slept well?' he asked softly.  
  
'Very well, thank you.' She told him becoming aware of the looks of those around them.  
  
'So what do you have planned for today?' Squall asked casually.  
  
'Nothing really, a few papers to mark but there's no rush.' She replied hopefully.  
  
'Those days are few and far between for me.' Squall told her making Quistis' heart drop in disappointment.  
  
'So I intend to enjoy it while it's here. Care to join me?' Squall added smiling at her, the shock causing her to nearly drop her slice of toast.  
  
'Sure.' Quistis replied trying not to stammer and keep the excitement out of her voice.  
  
'So what do you have in mind?' she asked.  
  
'Don't worry it's not a trip to the Training Centre.' He told her with a quick grin before his face became more serious and his voice lowered.  
  
'I actually need your help.' He admitted softly.  
  
'What?' she asked gently touching his arm and motioning him to come out of the cafeteria for privacy.  
  
'What's wrong?' she asked softly as they got into the empty hall.  
  
'I need you to come with me to Esthar.' Squall told her unable to look her in the eyes.  
  
'Why do you need to go to Esthar? Has something happened to Ellone?' she asked concerned.  
  
'No, Cid got a message from Laguna. He's only just heard about Rinoa and he wants a fatherly chat.' Squall said bitterly.  
  
'Do you actually have to go?' Quistis asked.  
  
'Probably not but the fool will probably keep trying to see me so I may as well get it over with now.' He replied.  
  
'You never did talk to him after everything that happened with Ultimecia did you?' Quistis probed gently.  
  
'Why should I have?' Squall snapped. 'He abandoned me.' He said irritably.  
  
'Well now you can ask him why, can't you.' She told him soothingly.  
  
'I know why. He left to get Ellone.' He said softly.  
  
'Squall you may as well tell him this, let it all go when you see him. Maybe then you can move on.' Quistis suggested gently squeezing his arm.  
  
'I suppose. I just can't get past this hate I have for him for never trying to see me sooner.' Squall sighed softly.  
  
'We can ask him when you get to Esthar. Maybe the answers can soothe your heart.' Quistis whispered wanting to take him into her arms.  
  
'Is counselling part of the job Instructor?' he teased playfully.  
  
'God I hope not. I have enough problems.' Quistis replied laughing.  
  
'Well I guess we'd better get to the Ragnarok.' He told her.  
  
'What!? Now?' Quistis asked surprised.  
  
'Afraid so. Laguna was very insistent with Cid. Are you sure you still want to come?' he asked looking into her eyes sincerely, now he had overcome his embarrassment.  
  
'For you, yes.' Quistis said softly and smiled following him down the hall as they made their way to the Parking lot. 


	33. It's All Tears

It's All Tears  
  
Open your arms, Let me show you what love can be like. It is all tears and will be till the end of time.  
  
HIM, It's All Tears.  
  
Her hands gripped cold white porcelain as her chest heaved, her stomach turned and bitter bile-laced vomit scorched her tongue again that day. A few months into the pregnancy Dana was wishing the morning sickness would go but then again it was a reassuring sign that it was all going alright.  
  
She spat the trail of saliva from her lips into the bowl, standing slowly she leant against the sink running the cold tap and washing her mouth. She gazed into the mirror, her once lightly tanned skin pale, her eyes shadowed from sleepless nights.  
  
She ran a hand down the front of her top feeling the small bump that would soon swell. That was the point where the stress would really pile up as everyone found out and would gossip endlessly. As Dana walked out the restroom she had little idea that would be the least of her worries.  
  
A breeze whistled through the long grass on top of the Balamb cliffs, long green grass whipped over a prone figure who lay groaning softly. The figure stood brushing soil from his clothes with his left hand whilst his right held a small orb which had swirls of red light flowing over its surface slowly dimming so the orb became inky black and he secreted it in a pocket.  
  
His long brown hair streaked with blond rippled over the back of his long black trench-coat whilst the breeze blew his spiky fringe across his eyes one of which was grey, the other was a speckled blue/green. A thin pink scar ran down his left cheek tracing the bones of his jaw.  
  
His clothes were battle worn, a black top with frayed tears exposing a white t-shirt beneath, his black jeans faded grey, a red belt around his waist holding a variety of leather pouches, the scuffled black leather of his boots tainted with deep, rich red-brown blood. He gazed intently at the rounded form of Garden below him and pulling a rope from the recesses of his coat he prepared his way down.  
  
Dana strolled along the central court of Garden making her way back to the Library, back to her shift. She had been a SeeD for a year or so now but had never progressed beyond her place as Librarian. Luckily she never tired of the monotony of the job, and it wasn't hard work giving her plenty of time for other things.  
  
'Dana.' A voice called softly making her turn to see a lonesome figure detach from the wall around the lift.  
  
'Seifer?' she asked surprised.  
  
'Just wondering how you was.' he said to her walking over.  
  
'I'm fine, a little nauseous but mostly hurt.' Dana whispered softly so only he could hear.  
  
'How so?' Seifer asked unsure.  
  
'Look around Seifer, Nida died and even now no-one has noticed or even cares.' Dana replied her voice choked with anguish.  
  
'The ones that knew him do. There's nothing we can do. I know when my time comes it will be the same.' Seifer said softly in an effort to console.  
  
'Will anyone remember me?' Dana said quietly looking round as cadets and SeeDs walked by lost in their own worlds.  
  
'I'll remember you..' Seifer replied sincerely.  
  
Dana smiled faintly and jumped in shock as there was a crash and shards of glass rained down on them.  
  
The figure dropped to the ground as the glass pieces crunched under his boots. SeeDs scattered in surprise whilst Seifer took a defensive position beside Dana pulling her to him protectively.  
  
The figure looked up, his mismatched eyes ablaze. 'You.' he hissed glaring at Seifer and Dana.  
  
He reached under his trench coat pulling out a gunblade, its blade was long and curved up to the point at its end. The cutting edge was serrated with hooked teeth while the other edge had a curve in it a third of the way down from the point. The gunstock was a basic revolver except the handle was strengthened and had a long metal hand-guard under the grip. The whole thing was coloured a malevolent black with red jagged lines.  
  
'Who the hell are you?' Seifer yelled trying to intimidate the stranger with his voice since he lacked his Hyperion.  
  
The figure laughed in an ever-expanding circle of people. 'I'm from Hell and I don't intend to go back.' He said dryly.  
  
'What are you talking about?' Seifer raged whilst in his head Siren's words echoed.  
  
'All ties must be cut. She cannot arise.' The figure muttered and looked around at the empty halls sneering. 'I never thought SeeDs were such cowards.' He spat.  
  
'Now will you come away from her or must I cut you down?' he growled.  
  
'Why do you want to kill me?' Dana screamed at him from behind Seifer.  
  
'The line must be severed.' The figure answered enigmatically still staring down Seifer.  
  
'What will you do Knight, you have no sword.' He taunted.  
  
Seifer kept himself between the figure and Dana. 'So you know me?' he asked.  
  
'Of course, and I will kill you too soon enough.' The figure smirked.  
  
He was then aware of a sound, the scrape of metal against metal, the soft snick of weapons.  
  
Without taking his eyes off Seifer his grin widened. 'Ah. the cavalry arrives, maybe SeeDs aren't as cowardly as they seem.' He told Seifer.  
  
At that moment he leant back as a blade flew by his body from a projectile weapon.  
  
'We'll continue this later.' He warned and turned to the crowd.  
  
A SeeD tried to stop him with his sword but the figure just knocked the blade aside with his gunblade and slashed the unfortunate's chest open as more SeeDs attacked. A girl was slammed into the wall, blood oozing from abdominal gunshot wounds, there was a yell and a spray of blood as an arm was severed in the crowd. Through it all the figure danced, avoiding an assortment of weapons, parrying blows with ease and striking with viciousness.  
  
'Let him go!' Seifer yelled, pain suffusing his features as he watched the needless slaughter.  
  
The SeeDs pulled back as the figure stalked away laughing hollowly, blood dripping from his sword.  
  
Seifer watched him vanish and almost jumped when Dana gripped his shoulders.  
  
'Why does he want me? What did I do?' Dana asked tears forming in her eyes, hysteria building in her voice.  
  
'You're not to blame, he's insane. It's more likely because you were with me that he chose you.' Seifer said softly. Dana listened to his reassuring voice but the gore spattered walls and bodies that lined the hall to the Front Gate caught her eyes which widened in horror.  
  
'What is he? How can we stop such a killer?' she asked shrilly the feeling of nausea returning.  
  
'I don't know but I think we'd better go see Squall and the others.' Seifer told her and took her arm. 


	34. Forest

Forest  
  
Why can't you see that you are my child? Why don't you know you are my mind?  
  
System of a Down, Forest.  
  
They were escorted to Esthar's Presidential Palace by a couple of guards in their grey insectile armour. Esthar seemed to have repaired itself pretty well since the Lunar Cry. Squall walked along the translucent blue walkways with a dispassionate air. He didn't really want to be here but then what choice did he have? Laguna wouldn't let it rest.  
  
To his side and slightly behind, Quistis strolled with him. Strange that he had come to depend on her for support but then she had seen a side of him few others had. Besides, after what he had done to her he owed her this. He wanted to give her something she wanted, to know the real him.  
  
'And what a way to find out.' He thought to himself. 'By watching me confront the absent father I've only just found out about. The father I actually was in the mind of thanks to Ellone.'  
  
'What are you thinking about?' Quistis asked as they got on the teleporter into the Palace.  
  
'Who says I'm thinking anything?' Squall replied not wanting to admit it.  
  
'Your eyes do. They become intensely focused when you're deep in thought.' She replied softly, making Squall's eyebrow twitch in surprise that anyone could notice something so small about a person.  
  
But then he knew how deeply Quistis cared for him, how she had studied him as his Instructor, trying to get him to open up and never giving up as he stubbornly refused.  
  
He breathed deeply as the guards led them through a set of ornate double doors into a cosy study leaving them to stand on the deep burgundy carpet, taking in photographs of Laguna at various locations in the world while a mahogany desk was piled with papers and books.  
  
There was also an antique billiards table set in one corner of the room which struck Squall as odd since he didn't think Laguna was the type, but then what did he know about his estranged father.  
  
A huge window dominated the far wall looking out onto the city. There was a creak and Laguna entered alone through a side door wearing a pale blue shirt and grey trousers, similar to what he was wearing last time they saw him.  
  
Laguna was puzzled by Quistis' presence but walked over to his desk motioning them to sit.  
  
'I hoped we could talk alone Squall.' He said reproachfully.  
  
Squall turned to Quistis who gave him an It's-up-to you look.  
  
'I'd like her to stay if you don't mind.' He replied icily sitting in one of the comfy chairs putting as much space between himself and Laguna.  
  
Quistis pulled up a chair by him, close enough to show she was there to support him but not close enough to give Laguna the wrong impression.  
  
Laguna coughed nervously trying not to grimace as his leg cramped painfully under the desk. They sat awkwardly for a few moments until Squall broke the silence.  
  
'Well talk! Some of us have jobs to do.' He snapped irritably.  
  
Laguna was taken aback and almost whining said 'Hey, give me a chance! This isn't easy.'  
  
'But abandoning me was.' Squall muttered.  
  
Quistis sat back wide-eyed, she had never seen Squall this angry other than the time they heard of Seifer's supposed execution in Galbadia Garden.  
  
Laguna's face flinched, stung by Squall's words. 'That was uncalled for.' He said sternly.  
  
'Really? For nearly eighteen years you never once let me know u existed, never came to me to tell me where I came from. I had to find out through Sis!' Squall retorted furiously.  
  
Laguna sank back defeated 'I know, I know. I could've taken you with me the time I called at the orphanage for Ellone.' He said softly.  
  
'So you really did know about me way back then.' Squall asked his voice coming out a snarl whilst Quistis placed a gentle restraining hand on his arm.  
  
'Yeah I knew. When I went back to Winhill and found that Raine had died I was heartbroken. The villagers blamed me saying my child had killed her. That ever since I washed up there I was nothing but trouble for Raine. The shock was too much, I'd lost my wife, Ellone who I sent back to Raine had been taken to an orphanage somewhere as was my infant son.' Laguna explained, tears forming in his eyes.  
  
'I was six when Ellone went away. Took you a while to come find us didn't it?' Squall said, sarcasm dripping from every word.  
  
Laguna gave Quistis a pained look, which she replied with a slight shake of her head.  
  
Laguna groaned and continued 'Well the people of Winhill wouldn't tell me anything about where you'd gone, seeing it as a way of punishing me for Raine's death as if that wasn't enough in itself. I still had responsibilities in Esthar but I devoted every spare moment I had looking for you. I finally found Cid and Edea Kramer's orphanage for children orphaned during the Sorceress War. I was told about Ellone, how she would be safe and then I saw you through the window. I recognised you instantly, you had Raine's eyes and you were alone in the shadows with a fierce expression of self-reliance. I wanted so much to go in and see you but Edea held me back.'  
  
Squall listened letting the words sink in. 'Why would she hold you back? Matron wouldn't have stopped us going back to our families if they came for us.' He said in disbelief.  
  
'She said I may scare you and that you'd probably deny after what Ellone's departure did to you. I said I still wanted to try and talk to you, let you know I cared, had a home for you.' Laguna explained, sighing softly and closing his eyes before continuing.  
  
'It was then she told me the truth, forced me to see why I couldn't take you home.'  
  
'What truth?' Squall blurted, half convinced Laguna was lying, trying to make excuses.  
  
'By then you'd already come back from the future. Don't you remember? Edea took Ultimecia's powers whilst the you now was there. Your younger self had seen you and Edea knew what happened. I couldn't take you Squall, you had to become a SeeD, had to suffer the pain so you'd be able to defeat Ultimecia when the time came. I thought Edea was making it up, had been turned against me by the people of Winhill but in the end I could see she was being truthful.' Laguna paused in the middle of reliving the memory.  
  
'After getting rid of Adel I couldn't let a much worse, more powerful sorceress survive. I chose to let the world survive rather than take you home and be happy. If you didn't become the man you have Ultimecia would've killed us all. I let you go so that you'd be able to live. I made the choice, one you may feel is wrong but I can't and won't apologise for it.' He finished emphatically.  
  
Squall sat there stoically, not a single muscle moving to indicate his feelings whilst Quistis tried to hold back the tears, affected by Laguna's emotional tale.  
  
'So why now? Don't you think it's a bit late? I'm too old for this.' Squally said finally, softly in a neutral tone of voice.  
  
'I'm still your father, you'll never be too old for me to still care about you.' Laguna replied.  
  
'I need to get used to this, don't you understand how much I hate you for this pain? Squall said looking Laguna in his pale blue eyes.  
  
'I know.' Laguna whispered adding.  
  
'I just want you to know I'm here when you need me. We haven't even spoke about Rinoa and that's why I asked you here.'  
  
'It was six months ago, there's nothing to say.' Squall said defensively.  
  
'Fine I understand that you feel there's nothing you can say to me but I know how much you loved her. I can understand the pain and loss.' Laguna replied leaning forward.  
  
'You wasn't there to see it happen with Raine though.' Squall said unthinkingly, unnerved by this common ground they shared.  
  
'Do you think that makes it easier to cope?' Laguna snapped losing his temper for the first time. 'When you lose someone you love deeply it tears your heart out regardless if you watch it happen or not.'  
  
Squall sat there mutely, surprised by the older man's outburst. 'Well we all deal with it in our own ways. That's my choice. So if you'll excuse me.' Squall said with forced politeness and stood up stalking out the room.  
  
Laguna gave Quistis an imploring look.  
  
'You'll have to give him time. It's a lot for him to deal with right now.' Quistis replied encouragingly and chased after Squall.  
  
Squall paced rapidly out of the Palace heading to the Ragnarok in a world of his own.  
  
'Squall!' Quistis called out to him catching up.  
  
'So how do you feel?' she asked softly.  
  
'Torn up. I can't stand how he can act like he knows me.' Squall replied. 'Let's just go home.' He said to Quistis still unable to reach out for comfort from her.  
  
However when he got home he was in for a shock. His arrival at Garden was welcomed with blood-spattered walls, the aftermath of a massacre and a group of anxious SeeDs with Seifer at the front looking extremely worried. 


	35. Attached At The Hip

Attached At The Hip  
  
Dependency, Separate we never will be, Attached at the hip to me, Attached at the tip to me, attached at the hip to me. A part of my anatomy.  
  
CKY, Attached At The Hip.  
  
She crouched by the bedside, holding her unresponsive hand. She rested her head on the form in the bed, her black hair falling down and hiding her face. The person in the bed lay unaware of her sobs, the girl's chest wracked with anguish as her closest friend lay comatose.  
  
'Diane?' a soft voice called, making her lift her head from the bed, her eyes red from crying.  
  
Jack looked down into her pain filled eyes, his own filled with deep sadness, for although he didn't always see eye to eye with Diane or Monica, the two girls who made up the Diamond Duo, they were still like sisters to him due to the CC Club and he couldn't bare to see them like this.  
  
'Jack? Why are you here?' Diane asked softly not moving from her vigil.  
  
'I came to see how Monica was doing. If I'm disturbing you I'll go.' He replied starting to turn to leave.  
  
'No. Stay, please?' Diane whispered needing to have someone with her to break this silence she wasn't used to.  
  
'Alright.' Jack said softly and pulled up a chair next to her, unsure whether to physically console her.  
  
They sat in silence for a moment until Diane pleaded 'Say something.' She couldn't bear the silence anymore, she wasn't used to it. She had always had Monica to talk to her whether she needed it or not. Now with her like this she had no-one, no voice that could soothe, the other half of her being was torn from her. A friend so close they were perceived as twins.  
  
'What can I say?' Jack said softly. 'Whatever I say will sound clichéd or insincere so I won't say it.' He told her.  
  
'Tell me what you feel.' Diane asked of him.  
  
Jack sighed softly 'Not as much as you're feeling. I feel sadness, hurt and anger, all you'd expect when you see a comrade and close friend seriously injured.' He replied still unable to cross this barrier of vocal consolation.  
  
'I see. You are right though. I feel so much more I can't describe this pit I've been thrust into. The voices of pain, rage, despair and blame torment me and it's only been one day.' She revealed.  
  
'Why do you blame yourself? There was nothing you could do about that guy. He fought like a demon! He took out eight people before he left, two of which were A class SeeDs!' Jack told her.  
  
'I wasn't there. I left her for a moment and she was taken away from me.' She said softly, gripping Monica's hand tighter.  
  
'And if you was there you would've been cut down too. But if you really blame yourself that much maybe you should go see Commander Squall.' Jack said sharply hoping to pull her out of the pit of self-loathing.  
  
'Squall? Why?' Diane asked surprised.  
  
Unnoticed by either of them Monica's lips moved slightly trying to mouth some word.  
  
'Well I don't know if he would talk about it but he did lose Rinoa a while a go didn't he.' Jack elaborated.  
  
'I see...' Diane murmured.  
  
'So much for Seifer.' She said bitterly.  
  
'How so?' he asked confused by the turn of topic.  
  
'Well he always prided himself on being the best yet he just stood there. He even told us to back off that guy.' Diane said anger rising.  
  
'He was unarmed and he gave the right order, none of us was that guy's match.' Jack said feeling strange for protecting Seifer.  
  
'Hah.' She muttered brushing Jack's opinion aside not caring for excuses.  
  
'Do we know anything about him yet?' she demanded.  
  
'Besides his fighting ability and that he really hates Seifer, no.' Jack told her bluntly.  
  
'I'll kill him.' Diane snarled clenching her free hand into a fist.  
  
'Do you have a death wish? Dying won't help Monica!' Jack yelled at her.  
  
'And what am I supposed to do? Mope around praying she awakes rather than get the son of a bitch that did this to her?' she snapped back, glaring at him.  
  
'No, but there's other ways. Leave it to Squall.' Jack replied, his eyes watering from the intensity of her stare.  
  
Diane stood up letting go of Monica's hand standing over Jack in fury. '"Leave it to Squall", "Leave it to Squall"! Is that all you can do? What's the matter Jack? Lost your balls from playing too much cards?' she yelled venting her anger on him.  
  
Jack sat in silence taking the insults knowing that it wasn't really him she was angry at.  
  
Because of this silence they were able to hear a soft voice say 'We miss Squall.'  
  
Diane's eyes widened as she spun round to look at Monica whilst Jack's lips twitched into a smile as he remembered his line.  
  
'What are you bitches babbling about?' he said softly.  
  
'Say superior bitches!' Monica replied her eyes still closed.  
  
Diane knelt by her side once more, gripping her hand. 'Mon? Are you okay?' she asked frantically, still in shock.  
  
'Can't feel my hand...' she murmured.  
  
Diane looked down and saw how tightly Monica's hand was held in hers and released her grip. 'Sorry.' She giggled nervously.  
  
'I'll go get Kadowaki.' Jack said and rushed out the cubicle.  
  
'Can you open your eyes?' Diane asked.  
  
'Probably, but I have a splitting headache... what hit me?' she mumbled, strangely at peace, as if Diane's presence was calming.  
  
In Diane though all hell had broken loose, the mix of emotions, hormones and release of tension was playing havoc with her heart, its beat so fast it was a purr, while in her mind she didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  
  
'Don't you remember anything?' Diane asked anxiously.  
  
'I remember a guy with a black gunblade, he would've been cute if he wasn't a homicidal maniac.' Monica said quietly with a faint grin.  
  
'You're mad!' Diane said laughing and threw herself over her. 'I thought I'd lost you.' She whispered.  
  
'Well now you found me... although what would I have done if you had gone...' Monica said softly, an arm twitching around Diane's back in a hug.  
  
'You heard me huh?' Diane asked her head still resting on Monica's shoulder.  
  
'I may have been comatose but I wasn't deaf.' She laughed dryly.  
  
'I'm sorry...' Diane whispered trying to hold back tears. 'It's okay. I'm here now.' Monica said shushing softly. 'Although he can be annoying, jack does have his heart in the right place. You should listen to him.' She told her.  
  
'Don't tell me you're developing a crush on him!' Diane teased.  
  
'I wouldn't go that far!' Monica retorted.  
  
Diane pulled away and brushed Monica's hair from her brow.  
  
'Diamond Duo forever.' Monica whispered as she drifted off into normal sleep whilst Diane sighed in relief watching her peaceful soul sister returned to her. 


	36. The THing That Should Not Be

The Thing That Should Not Be  
  
Messenger of fear in sight, Dark deception kills the light.  
  
Metallica, The Thing That Should Not Be.  
  
'What the hell happened?' Squall asked as he reviewed the recent data on the attack on Garden.  
  
'One guy did all this?' he asked Seifer in disbelief.  
  
'One powerful guy. He's made Dana his target.' Seifer told him.  
  
'This isn't good. This guy can get in here without detection and carve his way out through a crowd of armed SeeDs like butter.' Quistis muttered.  
  
'I'll guard Dana.' Seifer offered.  
  
'He wants you too.' Dana said softly having been silent up to that point.  
  
'True. That way we can minimalise casualties.' Seifer said seriously.  
  
'What are you talking about? Do you even think you can stop him?' Quistis snapped.  
  
'Quistis.' Squall said sternly aware of Seifer's pride and Quistis fell silent.  
  
Seifer seemed unfazed. 'I was just being logical. He wants just us two so if we stay together there will be less people between us when he comes.' He explained.  
  
'Fine. But there will be others backing you up.' Squall told Seifer, then turning to Dana. 'Are you okay?' he asked softly for the umpthteenth time worried by her pale face.  
  
'Yes sir.' She replied looking up into his eyes.  
  
Squall let out a deep breath and slipped his hand into his desk drawer and pulled out an electronic key-card and tossed it to Seifer.  
  
'What's this?' he asked looking at the white oblong in his hand.  
  
'Your new room. Since the two of you need to be close you can have the double room on F wing.' Squall explained.  
  
'What?!' Seifer and Dana yelled in unison whilst Quistis said 'Squall!' in a raised voice as she realised what room that was.  
  
Squall grinned 'Don't worry it's been split into two.' He told them. 'Not that I need it anymore.' He added to himself softly.  
  
'Okay I guess we'd better go move in.' Seifer said holding his hand out to Dana who blushed slightly.  
  
'Great... everyone will talk.' She mumbled.  
  
'Let them, though I doubt they'd be talking about this. I think our little friend will occupy them enough.' Seifer told her.  
  
Dana nodded standing up by his side and they both turned to leave.  
  
'Wait. Dana you're off library duties, Seifer you're off security okay?' Squall told them.  
  
They turned back to him giving a quick salute.  
  
At that moment Squall tilted his head to one side as if listening to an inner voice, his lips moving slightly much to the confusion of the others. A few moments later his eyes unglazed and he looked at Seifer again.  
  
'And another thing... I've had a request that you have a GF. Go to the classroom and pick up Siren.' Squall told him.  
  
'Yes sir.' Seifer replied with a smile and turned to leave once more.  
  
When they had left, Quistis turned to Squall. 'What was that all about?' she asked.  
  
'What?' Squall asked sitting at his desk wondering what was strange with the orders he had given.  
  
'The tilt of the head.' She replied leaning over the desk looking into his eyes.  
  
He stared back not to be intimidated by her aquamarine stare like when he was a cadet.  
  
'I was talking to Shiva. She was passing on a message.' He told her.  
  
'What message?' Quistis enquired her arms resting on the desk her face inches from his.  
  
'Siren was demanding to be junctioned to Seifer. I have no idea why but a stroppy GF is not what I need right now.' Squall told her not moving, not folding to Quistis' game.  
  
'So is the interrogation over?' he asked grinning causing Quistis to smile and break away.  
  
'For now. I have a class now but maybe we can do something later?' Quistis said the casualness of the suggestion was tempered by the longing and urgency in her eyes.  
  
'We'll see, okay?' Squall replied glancing at the pile of paperwork on his desk.  
  
'Okay. Don't work too hard okay?' Quistis said playfully as she left his office leaving Squall to go through all the damage this character had left in his wake.  
  
Meanwhile a figure sat in the branches of the forests of Balamb, his black trench coat dangling down his back whilst his legs swung idly at the front. He rested a gunblade on his lap, religiously wiping blood from its blade, the blackness of the metal revealed from under the scarlet fluid.  
  
His face was impassive, deep in thought as his hands continued their caress of cold metal. A single tear dropped onto the blade, splashing and mixing with the blood. He hadn't meant to kill those youths but nothing could stand in the way of his mission. His target my be innocent but if the taking of two innocent lives would save the thousands later then that's what he resolved to do.  
  
He had been trained from youth to do this, a heartless mercenary at sixteen years of age. A solitary warrior who must stay emotionless at all times but sometimes he had to cry, to shed a tear of sorrow for what he had to do but still he also had to finish this whatever it took, no matter what happened.  
  
Below him bushes rustled and he sat stock still, gripping his weapon and tensed. A caterchipillar flopped into the clearing, wounded, as a blond SeeD crashed after it.  
  
'They sent someone after me?' the figure thought in disbelief.  
  
The SeeD finished off the Caterchipillar, the bulbous insect slumping to the ground with an ear-rendering screech and dissolved. The SeeD looked around the clearing scratching his cheek with a gloved hand.  
  
There was a creak and a shower of leaves as the figure dropped to the ground.  
  
'What the hell?' Zell yelled, surprised as a black gunblade was pointed at him.  
  
'You were foolish to come alone.' The figure said softly.  
  
'Huh? What are you talking about?' Zell asked confused, his body tensed to spring.  
  
The figure cocked his head to one side 'You didn't come for me?' he asked.  
  
'I don't even know you... why are you attacking me?' Zell asked trying to keep calm.  
  
'No matter, I shall kill you anyway so you don't tell Almasy where to find me.' The figure replied ignoring Zell's question and started to lunge when a feminine voice called from the foliage.  
  
'Zell?' she cried appearing from around a tree.  
  
The figure stopped mid-lunge, his sword dropping. 'Dinct?' he murmured to himself and looked at the girl 'Feyr?' he mumbled noticing her black hair and twin gun daggers.  
  
Zell didn't take his eyes off the figure and started walking to Jade.  
  
'Who's that?' she hissed pulling her gun daggers up.  
  
'No idea.' Zell told her watching the immobile figure carefully.  
  
'The Untouchables.' The figure spat sheathing his weapon.  
  
Zell grit his teeth in anger assuming the remark was aimed at Jade.  
  
'What did you say?' he yelled angrily.  
  
The figure snapped his face round his eyes burning into Zell. 'You're lucky I'm forbidden to harm you. Tell Almasy that Crave will see him soon.' The figure told him and leapt up into a tree, disappearing through the branches.  
  
Zell and Jade looked up at the canopy dazed and confused until Zell broke the silence.  
  
'I think we'd better get back to Garden.' He told Jade and broke into a run.  
  
'You said he called himself Crave?' Squall asked an out of breath Zell who was slumped in a chair, Jade standing behind him hovering nervously.  
  
'Yeah, he was going to kill me until Jade called out my name. Seemed like he knew us, mentioned something about not being able to touch us.' Zell elaborated between breaths.  
  
'I see. So he's on a mission then.' Squall said rubbing his temples to relieve the tension.  
  
'Looks like. How are the kids?' Zell asked inquiring about the casualties caused by Crave.  
  
'Stable so far. Kadowaki is seeing to them so they should pull through.' Squall told him.  
  
'Thanks for telling me what happened Zell. I'll pass it on to Seifer.' He added.  
  
'Want us to help?' Zell offered.  
  
'No, we don't want to push Crave.' Squall replied looking up, his eyes shadowed with tiredness.  
  
Zell gave him a hurt look as he sat up in his chair finally getting his breath back.  
  
Squall sighed 'It's not because I don't think you're good enough Zell, I just don't want Crave being tempted to break his mission if you get in his way. I don't want to see any more deaths.' He explained.  
  
Zell brightened up, pride glowing in his cheeks from Squall actually admitting he cared.  
  
'No probs then. I'll keep out of trouble.' He assured Squall.  
  
'I'll make sure of it.' Jade added and pulled Zell out of the chair leading him out of the office, leaving Squall to slump at his desk feverishly trying to think of what else he could do about Crave.  
  
Deep in the MD level of Garden, an Oilboyle slammed against a metal ladder, bending and buckling the rungs. It collapsed to the ground lifeless, a large gaping slash the cause of death. Crave groaned in annoyance at having nothing to wipe the blood off his blade and settled for the Oilboyle's own skin.  
  
Satisfied, Crave basked in the pale orange/yellow light that filtered through the rusted metal structures. He knew he could sleep safely here now, no SeeDs came down here and he'd slaughtered any monsters that he came across. Shaking brown soil dust from his clothes, the evidence he had tunnelled into Garden, he cast around for a possible sleeping place.  
  
He climbed the bent ladder, scaling up the central pillar of the MD level. He knew that he wouldn't be able to take the lift up in the morning, SeeDs would swarm on him like wasps.  
  
Besides he had to pay a visit on an old enemy, give him a little wake up call. With a happy smile at that thought, Crave lay down on the metal grid floor, laying his blade by his side and wrapping his coat around him he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep, dreaming of a better tomorrow. 


	37. Poem

Poem  
  
This song is a poem to myself, And helps me to live. In case of fire, break the glass. And move on into your own.  
  
Taproot, Poem.  
  
Irvine sat in the corner of his metal walled cell. The dull metal plates seemed to absorb the sickly light that came from the fluorescent strips above. It had only been a few months in this hell but it had seemed like an eternity. In his large cell of solitary with only a bed to decorate, he had spent a lot of time walking off his rage and guilt, the voices in his head screaming out, tormenting him. He had lost his sense of time, being submerged in the desert meant he was never aware whether it was night or day so his body just slept when he was tired.  
  
Luckily the guards were no longer Galbadian soldiers, although they could be very firm as well as fair. The place was no longer run by Galbadia but instead of being destroyed, other places like Dollet and Esthar knew the value of having a place to put those malcontents that couldn't fit in with society and so kept it running.  
  
Irvine fingered his grey uniform, bare clothes with no form just functioned to cover his body. Irvine missed his cowboy outfit. But what he missed most was his friends and freedom. None of them had been to see him in all this time, not even Selphie. Had they abandoned him, forgot about him just like when they left the orphanage, or were they happily going on with their lives, he thought angrily.  
  
He drummed his fingers irritably on the metal floor yearning for some sort of social contact with anyone even, and he shuddered at this thought, someone form C block. It must show how desperate he was if he would contemplate being around those murdering psychopaths but anything would be better than this solitary. The anger gave way to despair as Irvine stood up and started prowling the cell like the caged animal he was. His hair was lank and greasy now, no longer the shiny brown it used to be when he was able to wash it. He clenched his fists as he thought back to the incident that got him confined like this.  
  
It had been a week or so after he was imprisoned and then he was still able to have some freedom. All prisoners were allowed out of the cell for an hours exercise and socialising during the day, although out really meant they were taken from their cells to a communal cell.  
  
It seemed that it got round that he was as ex SeeD which made him a target for those who wanted to show their stuff. That led to him slamming one guy's head into the table whilst pinning his hand to the table with the home-made blade the guy tried to stick him with. There were a couple of other similar attacks pretty much ending the same, and so the guards decided to keep him confined to his cell from then on to save them the aggravation as well as keep the prisoners from getting self- inflicted injuries.  
  
Irvine closed his eyes, laying in his bed, the broken springs poking into his back. He daydreamed of Exeter, his weapon and wished he could get his hands on it so he could find some release in that squeeze of a trigger and the explosion of gunpowder. He sighed sadly, his thoughts drifting as they always did, to his Selphie, although she was no longer his. He had given her up and watched her run into Xu's arms which gave him plenty of source material in the theatre inside his head.  
  
It was strange that he was able to find erotic fulfilment in the idea of his ex-girlfriend and another woman but then strangely, jealousy wasn't really a problem. He was the one who ended it but not because he didn't love her rather he loved her too much. Still the idea of Selphie with another woman didn't bother him as much as her being with a guy would. Strike it up to weird guy biological mental processes.  
  
Irvine's eyes opened as he heard a commotion outside his cell. A somewhat familiar voice was raised in argument while some faceless guard was arguing back. He got up off his bed, the springs creaking in protest, and put his ear to the door.  
  
'You can't let him out. His sentence isn't over!' the guard yelled.  
  
'I don't care. I want him out, we need him.' The familiar voice raged.  
  
'The SeeD committee said he had to do three years minimum, no exceptions.' The guard replied.  
  
Irvine jumped as something slammed against his door.  
  
'I'm over-riding the committee, if they have a problem then they're more than welcome to come see me.' The voice growled. There was a soft gurgle.  
  
'Good. So you'll let him out? Just nod.' The voice continued in a more normal voice, and there was a soft sound of fabric scraping the door as the voices faded away with a gasping of breath.  
  
Irvine stepped away from the door as it slid open, the brighter light dazzling him as it flooded in. He saw the cowed figure of the guard and looked to the other figure as he walked into the doorway, his grey eyes flashing with anger at the state of Irvine. He stepped forward as Irvine blinked wondering if he was dreaming.  
  
'It's time to come home.' Squall told him, holding out his cowboy hat to him. 


	38. Right Here In My Arms

Right Here In My Arms.  
  
She'll be right here in my arms so in love, Right here in these arms she can't let go.  
  
HIM, Right Here In My Arms.  
  
Xu ran a brush through her long black hair, her eyes glazed as she sang a happy song to herself softly. She felt guilty for being so happy but she couldn't help it, she was finally with Selphie whom she loved, how couldn't she be happy? But then there was something that upset her and that was Selphie's own sadness. She knew of Selphie's guilt at Irvine's incarceration and that she hid it from her so it didn't affect their relationship, which upset Xu more.  
  
She just wished she could do something to fix that for Selphie, but what could she do? She was interrupted by a beeping sound of an incoming message on her computer. Rushing over in the hope it was Selphie she was surprised and disappointed to find it was Squall.  
  
'Squall?' she breathed as his face appeared on her screen.  
  
'Xu I need you to sort out the Committee for me.' He told her quickly the screen fuzzing slightly.  
  
'What? Why?' Xu asked puzzled and worried by the way Squall was talking.  
  
'I've busted Irvine out of D-District. They won't be happy to hear that.' He explained briefly.  
  
'No shit Squall.' Xu swore. 'Why did you do that?' she chided him.  
  
'I need him to sort out this Crave person. Besides they were mistreating him.' Squall replied angrily.  
  
'Fine, fine. I'll try and get the Committee together and explain what's going on. But it won't be easy.' Xu said sighing.  
  
'Thanks Xu. If you have any trouble then tell them they can come and see me if they really want to.' Squall replied with a slight grin.  
  
'Squall I can't threaten them!' Xu almost shrieked.  
  
'It was threat?' Squall said brightly but also with a razor edge to his voice.  
  
'I'll be back in a few hours okay?' he added.  
  
'Yes sir.' Xu replied and the screen blinked off.  
  
Xu breathed out exasperated at the position she'd been put in but she had told Squall she'd do it and so made her way out of her room to seek out the high ranking SeeDs that made up the Committee and smiled as she realised she had a present for Selphie.  
  
Xu had finally rounded up the Committee with some mild grumbles but once she explained why she had called them together they took the news with little commotion' even agreeing with Squall's decision. As they filed out of Squall's office Xu realised how much of a problem the devious Crave was for the Committee to readily agree to turn over their own ruling.  
  
Now all Xu had to do was find Selphie and arrange something with Squall.  
  
Selphie sat at a table in the cafeteria playing with her food in an unusually subdued manner.  
  
'There you are!' Xu's voice came from behind her.  
  
Selphie looked round and smiled weakly as Xu approached. 'Hey.' She said softly.  
  
'Why do you have to make this so hard on yourself?' Xu asked softly.  
  
'What do you mean?' Selphie asked knowing full well what Xu meant having talked about it ever since Irvine had gone.  
  
Xu sighed. 'Selphie stop blaming yourself, what's done is done. Irvine will be back soon enough.' She replied.  
  
'I don't blame myself. I just miss him. I've been locked up in D-district myself, I know what it's like.' Selphie answered pushing her plate away.  
  
Xu looked into Selphie's eyes, clouded with misery. 'But he wouldn't want you to be like this would he?' she asked.  
  
Selphie became aware of a silence in the room, a little collective gasp marking the creation of a pocket of vacuum around her until it was broken by a voice.  
  
'Damn right I wouldn't.' a soft masculine voice drawled.  
  
Selphie's eyes flashed in recognition and she stood turning slowly unsure whether she wanted to see what was behind her in case it was her imagination. Her lips twitched into a smile and then a grin as she saw a dishevelled yet smiling Irvine walking towards her, his amber eyes glowing.  
  
'Irvine!' she gasped and kicked her chair away as she dashed into his arms wrapping hers tightly around his waist.  
  
Irvine gasped as she knocked the wind out of him and smiled as she rested her head against his chest. 'I missed you too.' He whispered to her ignoring everyone's stares except one... Xu's.  
  
He wasn't sure what to expect when he looked there but he wasn't expecting the untainted warmth and happiness he saw there. But then he knew Xu did this for Selphie, wanted to make her happy even at the risk she might lose her.  
  
Irvine just smiled in reply and held Selphie tighter knowing full well he'd never have her back the way it was before, he couldn't take Selphie from Xu, the line was drawn at friends.  
  
Finally Selphie looked up. 'How did you get here Irvy?' she asked a single tear rolling down her cheek.  
  
'Squall bust me out... said he needed my help with someone.' Irvine replied loosening his grip.  
  
'Do you have to go back after?' Selphie whispered fearfully.  
  
'Nope, I'm here for good.' Irvine smiled warmly and led her back to the table to Xu. 


	39. Violence

Violence.  
  
Like violence you have me for ever and after, Like violence you kill me, Like violence you kill me.  
  
Blink 182, Violence.  
  
Crave awoke with a yawn and stretched out his refreshed limbs, his coat falling open around him on the metal floor. The air in the MD was murky and palely lit. His pupils dilated to see better in the small amount of light as he sat up scratching his head. He looked around disoriented and then grinned as he remembered what he intended to do.  
  
He spent the next few moments walking up and down the gantry staring up at the ceiling looking for something. He stopped gazing up at a metal panel welded to the ceiling. Casting a Float spell on himself he was able to rise up high enough to force his gunblade up into the panel and tear it wide open.  
  
Pulling the torn metal down in his gloved hands, curling it down so he could pull himself into the vent without slicing himself on the razor sharp jagged edges, he crawled along the vent mentally counting how far he'd gone.  
  
After a while he stopped, rolling over onto his back. He placed his hand on the metal panelling above testing it. He sighed softly as he realised he wouldn't be able to force his fist through it and there wasn't enough space for his gunblade. Instead he slid a hand into his coat and pulled out a set of brass knuckles and slid them over his fingers.  
  
Snapping out his forearm he dented the panel with his fist, a couple more blows and the dull metal caved in, his fist going through enabling him to tear it down. Once the hole was large enough he crawled up into it and cut his way up through the floor into a dark murky room which had a thick layer of dust covering the floor telling him that it had been abandoned for a while.  
  
Standing up in the dark, his eyes lit upon a hulking object in the far corner. It was a rounded metallic pod with large coloured orbs in either side. The top was scarred and torn by the cuts of blades and weapons a whole mass of contorted metal that supported an opaque crystalline white orb.  
  
Crave's lips curled into a mix of a smirk and a snarl as he saw his reflection in the shell of an enemy. NORG the Shumi was encased in this shell after he was defeated during the riots in Balamb Garden and since then had been left, thought to be of no threat. But Crave knew better. NORG was changing in there like a caterpillar in it's cocoon but this wasn't a pretty butterfly that would come out.  
  
Unsheathing his gunblade, Crave climbed up the pod until he was level with NORG's cocoon and raised his gunblade over his head before bringing it down plunging it deep through the crystal surface of the orb which cracked and bled a black viscous fluid whilst an eerie scream leeched out into the room. The crystal cracked further, black blood flowing over its surface.  
  
Crave jumped back, gunblade in hand as a clawed hand pulled the crystal wide open, showering the pod with crystal fragments and black gore. Crave looked up at the monster before him, a tall Moomba with long razor claws and canines, its red fur matted with black ooze, flesh was missing from its limbs showing blackened bones. It growled at him its eyes flashing red as it stepped down from the pod.  
  
'What's the matter NORG? A little grumpy that I spoilt your nap?' Crave taunted as stood his ground, the Moomba looked him in the eyes flexing its claws menacingly.  
  
Crave laughed hollowly and jumped backwards as a clawed paw swiped at him. NORG growled even more and lunged at Crave but he was more than ready, ducking under NORG's arms, rolled along the ground and swung his blade round slicing through the unprotected bones of NORG's legs.  
  
Crave rolled out of the way as NORG's body tumbled forward hitting the ground with a thud and a screech of claws on metal. NORG roared in pain rolling over to look up into Crave's blazing eyes. A paw whirred up as NORG tried to sit up and claw Crave once more. Sneering Crave caught NORG's arm in his left hand and twisted, blood soaked fur slipping in his hand as bone creaked and snapped, tendons twanging as the paw came away dropping to the floor.  
  
This time NORG's pain was so great that when he opened his mouth to roar all that came out was silence. Crave seized his chance and planted a boot in NORG's chest pinning him to the ground.  
  
'This time I have the advantage.' Crave snarled as NORG's eyes looked up at him in incomprehension.  
  
Crave then swung his gunblade down as hard as he could forcing the blade into NORG's jaw and pulled the trigger NORG's skull shattering in a gory explosion. Crave stood emotionless over NORG's corpse his breathing slow and even, barely exerted. Slowly he moved a hand to his left cheek which was tingling, and felt his scar disappear. It was a souvenir from his original meeting with NORG but now that wasn't going to happen.  
  
He smiled faintly aware of the implication of this and looked around for a way out.  
  
Seifer was awoken by the sound of a roar in the distance and was instantly upright and alert, bypassing all those disoriented steps people usually go through on waking. He had reached out for Hyperion without realising, adrenalin flooding his veins preparing him to fight before realising there was no threat.  
  
'The Quad now!' Siren hissed in his mind. Seifer looked hesitantly at the door to Dana's half of the room before finally making a decision and dressing, leaving her behind.  
  
Seifer's walk to the Quad didn't go unnoticed. Up on his sniper's platform in the side of the elevator shaft Irvine watched him enter and frantically called Squall over the intercom.  
  
Seifer entered the silent Quad to be met with a sickening vision, a black slick corpse was strewn over the ground whilst sat peacefully on the stage, gunblade laid across his thighs was Crave.  
  
Crave looked up as Seifer approached and smirked. 'Ah the Knight. Do you think it wise to come alone?' he sneered.  
  
'What is it you really want?' Seifer demanded holding Hyperion ready to strike.  
  
'To sever the ties to Ultimecia's arrival.' Crave told him still unmoving, motionless.  
  
'What!?' Seifer blurted in shock. 'Dana's child is Ultimecia?' he asked.  
  
Crave gave a derisory laugh. 'Fool. I cannot harm the Sorceress directly only those whose lines will aid her coming. The lines of Brand and Almasy are as such and so I will cut them.' He replied finally lifting his gunblade off his lap.  
  
'You're insane!' Seifer snapped.  
  
'You never thought about it yourself? All those lives that'll be saved at the cost of few.' Crave retorted.  
  
'She didn't do anything wrong!' She's innocent!' Seifer raged holding his position, waiting for Crave to move.  
  
'For now, but innocence can be corrupted. You of all people should know that.' Crave countered dropping off the stage facing Seifer.  
  
'I won't let you kill her!' Seifer told him squaring off to the shorter warrior.  
  
'Do you really think you can prevent it?' Crave sneered and lunged at him, blades meeting with a metallic clash and a shower of sparks.  
  
Seifer gritted his teeth as he absorbed the recoil of the blow, saving his breath now for the fight ahead.  
  
Seifer was forced back under the weight of Crave's blows as the younger warrior struck him relentlessly. He could feel the rage building up inside him, the surge of power that crackled in his body as he broke his limit, unleashing his No Mercy technique.  
  
Crave jumped back laughing in sarcastic delight as the fireball that erupted from Seifer's fist breezed by harmlessy. He raised his gunblade and caught Seifer's Hyperion as it whirled down with a powerful blow.  
  
'Don't tell me that's the best you got.' Crave sneered as they locked gazes, blades grinding along each other.  
  
Seifer grunted using his shoulder to push Crave away and had to jump back as Crave's blade whirred past his face as they broke away. Seifer looked in disbelief at Crave's pale face, unblemished by sweat whereas his own was red and soaked by exertion, his heart pounding to pump much needed oxygen to his muscles.  
  
Crave stepped back and returned to the stage a look of disdain on his face.  
  
'Cura.' He said softly and Seifer was swathed in iridescent swirls of white light that refreshed and faded.  
  
Seifer looked at Crave in surprise and incomprehension. 'Why?' he managed to say.  
  
'You disappoint me, you make a useless knight.' Crave told him sitting on the stage nonchalantly.  
  
Seifer growled. 'Stop toying with me.' He yelled clenching a fist.  
  
'All you are is a puppet, a toy.' Crave taunted but then suddenly rolled back on the stage as a pale blue blade slammed into the wooden surface where he would've been.  
  
'Why not play with me then.' Squall said sliding Lionheart from the groove in the stage and glared at Crave angrily.  
  
Crave stood eyeing Squall warily and then grinned as Seifer joined Squall. 'Good. Good. Two knights for one.' He leered and crouched slightly holding his gunblade in both hands.  
  
Squall and Seifer nodded to each other and worked in tandem as they had against Raijin, their training together as rival now becoming useful as they worked as a team following each other's rhythm.  
  
However it seemed that Crave knew their rhythms pretty well himself and was able to spin and duck his way under their every swipe and thrust. Crave rolled under Lionheart's blade as Squall slashed at him in a horizontal arc and used his momentum to plant his elbow in Seifer's torso as Seifer came in with a vertical blow.  
  
Seifer dropped, winded by the blow, Hyperion slipping from his hands leaving him open to Crave's next blow from the handle of his gunblade which smashed Seifer in the temple knocking him unconscious.  
  
A sideswipe from Squall as Crave stood over Seifer's prone form caused Crave to stumble sideways. Squall took advantage of this unleashing his limitbreak, charging at Crave and attacking with Renzokuken he slashed five times each time firing Lionheart but the blade was met each time the blackness of Crave's own whilst the bullets were seemingly absorbed harmlessly by Crave's coat.  
  
Exasperated, Squall used his Lionheart attack, the strongest technique he'd been able to awaken from those dormant in his psyche. The force of the blows swept Squall and Crave into the air as the twelve mighty slashes were, to Squall's surprise, deflected effortlessly by Crave. Crave landed lightly on the ground as Squall hung in the air concentrating all his strength, his will, into this final blow, Lionheart gleamed as energy flowed along it as Squall fell from the air bringing Lionheart down in an overhead slash.  
  
Squall was knocked back into the wall as this attack was fended off by a grinning Crave. Flashes of colour blinked in Squall's vision as the recoil dazed him but he was able to see Crave's grin bleed away as the blade of his gunblade sheared in half, the split part dropping to the floor.  
  
Crave looked at his damaged weapon in disbelief and ran a quivering hand along the flat of what remained.  
  
'Angelo...' he yelped in shock and sorrow cradling his weapon in his arms. His face flickered through a number of emotions finally settling on anger as he snarled in rage carrying what was left of Angelo with him as he stalked over to Seifer's limp form.  
  
Through his blurred vision Squall caught sight of an insignia on the shoulder of Crave's coat that jolted his body into action. He ran across the Quad as Crave stood over Seifer, holding Angelo over Seifer's chest ready to plunge it into his heart, when Squall tackled him, both of them rolling along the ground Angelo skittering out of Crave's grasp.  
  
Squall finally pinned Crave down the younger man simply lying there looking up at him, hurt filling his mismatched eyes.  
  
'You should go back to where you belong. You can't change the past only the future I should know.' Squall said softly gently releasing his grip on the now peaceful Crave.  
  
Crave slipped a hand into his pocket pulling out an orb that flashed red. Assuming it to be a weapon Squall went to grab it but Crave shook his head pointedly and faded away to nothing leaving Squall kneeling on the ground, drained, before he finally succumbed to exhaustion and slumped to the floor not so far from Seifer. 


	40. Eye For An Eye

Eye For An Eye.  
  
I hit the bottom, you don't understand' Pain...hate...pain. To be born again, arise again, I believe is the only way.  
  
Soulfly, Eye for an Eye.  
  
Squall jumped in his chair as his door burst open and Selphie fell into the room panting.  
  
'Now what?' Squall groaned to himself.  
  
Garden had not long recovered from the attack of Crave a couple of months ago. Thinking of that made Squall shrug guiltily as he had told everyone that Crave had been killed when in fact he had simple returned to where he belonged, whenever that was.  
  
'Squall... Sir Laguna!!!' Selphie said in between gulps of air.  
  
Squall's eyes narrowed and his heart jolted at the mention of his supposed father. 'Calm down... breathe.' He said to Selphie, standing up.  
  
Selphie bent over, resting her hands on her knees, taking deep breaths, her back rising and falling slowly as she regained her composure.  
  
She looked up at Squall, her red cheek blanching in seriousness, her blue eyes still moist from tears of shock.  
  
'Sir Laguna is in intensive care after an assassination attempt. He's asking for you.' Selphie said seriously, chilling Squall to the bone.  
  
He wasn't sure why he was here now besides out of a sense of duty. Sure he was his biological father but he'd never known him until recently. Squall could feel no regret in how he had acted the last time he had seen Laguna, the man had abandoned him to his so-called destiny.  
  
Well Laguna had left him to become the man that would defeat Ultimecia so as far as he was concerned that's the man he would be, cold and withdrawn. Now as he walked along the sterile white halls of the Esthar hospital, he locked away all his emotions from his face, approaching the heavily guarded room where Laguna was being treated.  
  
Squall entered the room with little trouble from the guards and his eyes lit upon a bed at the far side of the room covered in shafts of sunlight where he expected to see a pale-faced Laguna. What he got was an empty bed and a seemingly fine Laguna pacing the room.  
  
'What the hell?' Squall growled, his eyes flashing with shock and anger.  
  
'Squall...' Laguna said softly, smiling weakly.  
  
'You were supposed to be seriously injured.' Squall said in a low voice, shaking with rage.  
  
'Just listen...' Laguna started to say hoping to get a word in before his son stormed off.  
  
'Is this some sort of trick to get me here again?' Squall snapped, clenching and unclenching his hands.  
  
'No, sit down. I have to explain.' Laguna said pointing to a chair.  
  
Squall glared defiantly at Laguna and remained standing.  
  
'Fine.' Laguna sighed noting his stubbornness. 'What you heard was half true. Yes there was an assassination attempt, but as you can see I wasn't really injured. We put out that bulletin to hopefully draw out the assassin which is why I want you here.' Laguna told him.  
  
'Why? In case it goes wrong and you really do get killed, you want a sweet deathbed reunion?' Squall retorted scornfully.  
  
Laguna's body flinched as if struck, pained by the bitterness of his son.  
  
'No, I want you as my bodyguard.' He answered solemnly.  
  
'What's in it for me?' Squall asked, voicing his disagreement to that idea subtly.  
  
'Esthar will pay your fee.' Laguna said exasperated.  
  
'If you want SeeD then we can arrange a team for you.' Squall replied in a businesslike manner.  
  
'I want you Squall. Even though I know you hate me, I also know you will do your job regardless... that's why I trust you.' Laguna said making Squall cringe.  
  
'Fine, I guess I'm here now so I may as well take the mission.' Squall relented hoping Laguna would shut up if he agreed. Laguna smiled brightly thinking he was finally making progress.  
  
There was a splintering of glass as the window by Laguna shattered, a metal fragment thudded into the ground by Laguna's feet and a black clad figure flipped into the room, a bladed weapon in hand.  
  
Squall growled, tearing Lionheart from the straps on his thigh, catching the assassin's blade against his own and pressing his advantage. The figure stumbled back, caught off guard by the attack and fell to the floor, his blade falling from his hand.  
  
Squall kicked the fallen weapon across the room and placed the point of Lionheart at the figure's chest, tearing off his mask. The face that was revealed was unfamiliar to him and had no striking features, a plain masculine face with pale green eyes and a mop of blond hair.  
  
'Who are you? Who sent you?' Squall demanded his blazing eyes focused on the blank ones of the assassin.  
  
'I will not answer.' The figure replied dryly.  
  
Squall boiled inside with anger, curiosity but couldn't bring himself to inflict pain on his new prisoner to find out, the idea brought back painful memories of the torture he had suffered at the hands of Seifer oh so long ago.  
  
Instead he grabbed the figure by the scruff of his top and slammed him up against the wall.  
  
'If you don't answer me I can soon think of ways to make you talk. And believe me you will talk because I'll never let you die, or lose consciousness. All you'll know is pain.' Squall snarled.  
  
'You're bluffing.' The figure retorted but there was a quavering in his voice.  
  
'Try me... I'm sure you're aware of who I am.' Squall replied his grey eyes burning.  
  
'Commander Squall Leonhart of Balamb Garden.' The figure rasped.  
  
'Good. Well I'm sure President Loire here will take you somewhere comfortable while we work out what to do with you.' Squall said evenly.  
  
Laguna who had stood there watching all this in stunned silence gave a brief nod in reply. As the guards came into the room belatedly and Squall dragged the figure to put into their custody Laguna saw black markings on the back of his neck through his hair that made Laguna involuntarily touch his neck.  
  
'Pain for Pain.' He said softly.  
  
The figure froze on the spot and automatically replied. 'Death for Death.'  
  
Squall looked between the two puzzled.  
  
'Name and rank soldier!' Laguna bellowed.  
  
The figure saluted instinctively. 'Lands, Nathen. Sergeant, Black Ops.' He snapped in reply and grimaced as he realised what he'd done.  
  
'He's a Galbadian soldier?' Squall asked.  
  
Laguna nodded in reply. 'Well Sergeant Lands who sent you on this mission?' he asked Nathen.  
  
'Information classified, sir.' Nathen replied still tightly held by Estharian guards.  
  
'This is a fellow and superior Prosecutor asking you Sergeant!' Laguna bellowed.  
  
Nathen gulped. 'With respect sir I still cannot divulge my mission. I will not betray my Commander!' he replied indignantly.  
  
Laguna's face paled. 'Commander huh?'  
  
Nathen once again cringed, he could survive any physical torture it had been in training but coming across another Prosecutor made him flustered. You had to be loyal to members of your own regiment... hell they drilled that into you as much as any other training.  
  
Squall watched as Laguna sank down onto the bed his hands shaking imperceptibly.  
  
'Take him away.' Squall told the guards who dragged a slumped and defeated Nathen out the room.  
  
'I should have realised sooner.' Laguna said softly.  
  
'Realised what?' Squall asked still puzzled by what had just gone on between Laguna and Nathen.  
  
'That this would happen one day.' Laguna sighed and saw his puzzled face.  
  
'It's a military thing okay? Like Kiros, Ward and Me, we look out for our buddies.' He explained.  
  
'I get that but he was too young for you to have known him personally.' Squall said.  
  
'Well I suppose it's the same for you SeeDs. You all help each other out regardless of age right?' Laguna said putting it another way.  
  
Squall shrugged. 'So who's this commander? You went white when he mentioned him.' he then asked.  
  
'The same guy who was my commander, someone who I have a personal history with, as do you.' Laguna said cryptically.  
  
'Who?' Squall asked unable to conceal his curiosity.  
  
'I think we'd better go to Deling City and ask him.' Laguna replied standing.  
  
Ragnarok landed on the plains just outside Deling City. It was now a city of renewal after the death of President Deling and General Caraway, Rinoa's father, was the main source of change.  
  
'Caraway... damn I never thought to see him after Rinoa died... Cid told him straight away but he never asked for me.' Squall thought to himself as he and Laguna walked to Caraway's mansion.  
  
They walked past the guard who after recognising Squall let them pass without a word.  
  
Laguna followed Squall to Caraway's study. The room hadn't changed since he was last there, being told of his mission to assassinate the Sorceress.  
  
'Funny how things come full circle.' He mused as they approached the desk.  
  
Caraway looked up and saw the both of them his face becoming steely with the effort of concealing his surprise and rage.  
  
'President Loire, Commander Leonhart. To what do I owe the pleasure?' he said with forced cheerfulness.  
  
'I think you know why.' Squall said softly.  
  
'Why?' Laguna said simply looking into Caraway's eyes pleadingly.  
  
Caraway stood. 'I don't know what you're talking about! Guards!' he bellowed.  
  
Two guards burst into the room only to be frozen in the doorway by a blast from Shiva. Caraway stood in shock as Shiva faded away and Squall and Laguna returned.  
  
'Now I'll ask again. Why did you send one of your men to kill me?' Laguna asked.  
  
Caraway collapsed into his chair defeated. 'You don't get it do you. You've took everything away from me. First my wife then my daughter.' He said sadly.  
  
'What?' both Squall and Laguna said together.  
  
'Julia still only had her heart set on you. That blasted song tore me to bits every time I heard it. Sure she loved me in her way but never completely. If you'd only died Loire!' Caraway growled.  
  
Squall and Laguna both stood in silence watching the pitiful form of Caraway.  
  
'Then maybe my beautiful daughter would never have been caught up with this son of yours and she'd still be alive!' he continued pointing emphatically at Squall.  
  
'So you thought it'd make it all better if you killed Laguna?' Squall growled slamming his fists on the desk in front of Caraway. 'Do you really think you're the only one who feels lost without her?' he demanded.  
  
Caraway looked up at him in shock. 'You wouldn't understand.' He muttered.  
  
'Really?' Squall glanced at Laguna momentarily and turned back to Caraway. 'We've all lost people we've loved deeply here. Killing the people you blame for that won't bring them back. Trust me I did just that and all that you get from it is more emptiness. Julia loved you enough to give you a daughter. You can remember that or you can let this bitterness eat away at you until you're a mere shadow of the husband and father you used to be.' Squall told him never breaking eye contact.  
  
'But I have nothing now.' Caraway said softly, blinking as tears formed in the corners of his eyes.  
  
'You have this city, you have the future.' Laguna said softly.  
  
'Which is more than what you will have if you continue this treachery.' Squall threatened making both Laguna and Caraway look at him in awe.  
  
'Deal with the pain Caraway.' Squall said briskly and turned away, walking through the frozen guards, leaving a sunken Caraway and a surprised Laguna to look at each other mutely. 


	41. Everybody's Fool

Everybody's Fool  
  
I know the truth now, I know who you are, And I don't love you anymore.  
  
Everybody's Fool, Evanescence.  
  
He couldn't believe how much different life felt after being cooped up for so long. But then there was that nagging doubt that it'd be taken from him and they'd take him back to that dark cold cell.  
  
Squall had released him to help with this Crave character yet all he had done was lie in wait on a platform watching. When it came to fight Crave it was Squall that went after him with Seifer, he had been told to stay put in case Crave escaped. He was told to shoot Crave on sight but he wasn't sure now if he'd have been able to do that if it had happened. He had murdered a fellow SeeD in cold rage, over some sense of honour he had and now he was free there were those that were close to him that welcomed him with open arms, literally in Selphie's case, but then there were those that felt he was being let off easy. He sensed their stares and menacing whispers as they passed.  
  
But then he could see the sky, could feel the breeze, he understood the value of life, what he had taken and he wasn't going to let anyone else judge him on that. Besides didn't they realise that he carried the guilt within him? He had never meant for his life to turn out this way. He just wanted to be a SeeD, hang out with the Orphanage Gang, be with Selphie but he had ruined it all with a choice he had felt had been right, by letting Selphie go he had set in motion this chain of events and he would have to deal with it.  
  
He had been angry when he found out that Xu had become involved with Selphie, he should've noticed Selphie's bisexual tendencies when she suggested that threesome oh so long ago but he had figured it was a joke. Now however he realised just how much Xu loved her and he wondered just how long that had been the case, whether Xu had been angry when he turned up on the scene.  
  
He had to give up these idle thoughts before they got even more serious. He had been taken to introspection recently and wondered how the hell Squall survived it, all these thoughts turned over, looked at again and again, finding anything else in them other than what appeared on the surface. If he didn't let them out who knew what they'd do to him?  
  
He returned to his room hidden among the silent corridors away from most of the other students. The solitude had been partly his idea and stressed most by Squall until the others had readjusted to his return. However he was a social creature by nature, he craved human attention, especially in the case of the ladies, but he couldn't bring himself to flirt as he used to, probably because he feared the possibility of their disgust.  
  
He threw his cowboy hat onto his desk and flopped back onto his bed, his long coat sprawling out beneath him and he closed his eyes.  
  
'Murderer!' a voice hissed.  
  
Irvine looked around but there was no one in the room or at the window and the door was thick wood, there was no way a voice that soft could be heard through it.  
  
'You'll never get away with it!' the voice hissed again.  
  
Irvine sat up and glanced around wildly. He stuck a finger in each of his ears and swivelled them gently, wondering if he was hearing things.  
  
'Ha! You wish you was hearing things! You should be punished!' the voice roared and he then realised where it was coming from, inside his head.  
  
Irvine clutched his head, tufts of brown hair poking from between his fingers.  
  
'What's going on?' he thought to himself. He didn't have any GFs junctioned as that was part of the conditions the Garden Committee had set for his return so where was this voice coming from?  
  
'I suppose you wouldn't recognise me.' The voice chuckled dryly.  
  
'Who are you?' Irvine mumbled.  
  
'Your conscience fool!' the voice snapped.  
  
'What? Who's playing games? I have a conscience and it doesn't work like this!' Irvine retorted under his breath.  
  
'Well you've never had anything you've felt so bad about well apart from...' the voice crackled.  
  
'No!!! I don't want to hear it!!' Irvine clamped his hands over his ears as if that would drown out the voice as it retold his darkest memory inside his skull.  
  
Irvine dropped to his knees in pain, his eyes and jaw clenched tightly in agony. The voice finally fell silent and Irvine collapsed onto the carpeted floor of his room.  
  
He awoke, sprawled over the carpet, the skin of his marked with the grooves of the fabric. He rubbed his eyes and blinked into the sunlight. 'It was all just a creepy dream.' He told himself sighing and stood stretching.  
  
His stomach growled softly and he looked around for something to eat. He sighted empty wrappers on his desk but that's all they were. 'Looks like I'll have to go out and eat.' He thought to himself and headed to the cafeteria.  
  
Luckily he wasn't too late to get something to eat, but that also meant he was in time for there to be other students around, their watchful eyes following him as he approached the food bar. He looked at the stainless steel tureens that held barely recognisable food and wondered if he should risk it.  
  
'You think you can carry on with a normal life?' a voice whispered to him.  
  
He spun round but there was no one near him, his wild eyes seeing the looks people were giving him but they then turned away.  
  
'Think you're so smart huh?' he muttered under his breath.  
  
'Smarter than you.' The voice replied so close it made him jump.  
  
'Show yourself!' Irvine said out loud and all the students in the cafeteria turned to look at him their brows creased in puzzlement.  
  
'How can I show myself when I'm right here in your head?' the voice laughed dryly.  
  
'What?' Irvine replied in disbelief, spinning round the room wildly as if expecting to find the culprit.  
  
'If you're me then how come you're doing this to me?' Irvine moaned rubbing his temples.  
  
'I'm just a part of you, the part that is engulfed in guilt and cries out for your retribution. I'm the part that knows all your dark secrets, the one who takes your pain and now it's your turn to feel pain!' the voice roared.  
  
Irvine sank to his knees under the sound of the voice his fingers twitching as he fell to the ground.  
  
His eyes fluttered open, there was white light around him and a soft comforting voice nearby.  
  
'Glad to see you're back with us Mr. Kinneas.' Dr. Kadowaki said to him.  
  
Irvine sat up on the bed slowly. 'How did I get here?' he asked groggily.  
  
'You collapsed in the cafeteria, arguing with yourself so the students who brought you here said. Is that true?' she asked him.  
  
Irvine turned to her his brown eyes glazed. 'Damn right it was true! This fool thinks he can continue to live his life without paying the consequences!' he growled in a voice not his own.  
  
'Irvine?' Kadowaki said softly.  
  
Irvine's eyes unglazed and he looked to her. 'Yes?' he replied confused by her concerned look.  
  
'Do you remember what you just said?' she asked politely.  
  
His brow creased momentarily as he recalled his previous speech. 'Ummm "How did I get here?"' he replied.  
  
'I see.' Kadowaki said to herself.  
  
Irvine looked at her downcast features. 'That was right wasn't it?' he asked perplexed.  
  
'I'm afraid not... it seems you have developed a split personality, Irvine. I'm not able to treat you for it but I know someone who might be able to.' Kadowaki explained.  
  
'Who?' Irvine asked.  
  
'Dr. Valo. He's a psychiatrist in Esthar.' She replied. 'I'm sorry to say you'll have to go away again.' She added softly.  
  
'What? Why?' Irvine asked, surprised and suddenly gripped with fear.  
  
'It'd be best. Your personality will be unpredictable, there's no telling what it'll try to do to you. Besides it'd be easier for Dr. Valo to treat you in Esthar. Stay here while I try and contact him.' Kadowaki told him consolingly.  
  
Irvine drew his knees in close to him and hugged them tightly as Kadowaki disappeared to use the phone. He didn't want to go away again, couldn't bear it if he had to be inside another cell, but then he couldn't risk this other side of him hurting anyone else.  
  
Suddenly he cheered up, besides Laguna was still in charge of Esthar so he'll probably be treated okay. No doubt Squall would make sure of that. He sighed softly and lay back on the bed, hoping that he'd at least be able to say goodbye to Selphie this time, and tried to block out the menacing whispers in his head. 


	42. Don't Make Me Wait

Don't Make Me Wait  
  
With your body so close to mine, is there anything I need to know? A true love is so hard to find, so why won't you be my Romeo? I will give in, surrender, surrender. Come on baby it will be alright.  
  
Don't Make Me Wait, Bomb The Bass.  
  
It had been a long hard year, one with a lot of changes. Most of them had been extreme changes others were trivial. Deaths, Pregnancies, New romances, Revelations, Deadly strangers, how much could one Commander cope with?  
  
Squall sighed as he sat at his desk with his eyes closed. He seemed to have lost all those close to him. Rinoa had been killed, both Zell and Selphie were caught up in their love lives, Irvine had driven himself insane, Seifer was concerned with other things namely a librarian called Dana Brand who was pregnant by a deceased Nida, he himself had flirted with suicide, had to fight some strange figure from the future, cope with Laguna asserting his paternal rights, yet there was one person who had always been there for him even after he had hurt her.  
  
Squall sighed again. Quistis. He had never realised until exactly what he had in her. She had been his Instructor, took him through his Fire Cavern test, saved his life on his SeeD exam, been a comrade in arms, watched in pain as he had fell for Rinoa before her eyes after he had blown her off. Then when Rinoa had been murdered he had used her in his grief but she had forgiven him even this, she had been with him when he had confronted Laguna and now she was the only one who had time for him in his loneliness.  
  
He worried that he took up too much of her time, that he was making her hang on his every whim. But then he also worried about not having her company, couldn't bear to be in that bleak loneliness ago, not now he had been in the light.  
  
The sound of the door creaking made him smile briefly, she was always trying to sneak into his office to catch him by surprise. He wondered what excuse she'd have today. He opened his eyes and there she was, dressed in her pink and peach outfit that clung to her body and exposed her navel, her blonde hair was tied up in a bun yet whisps hung down over her face, her blue eyes were hidden behind the glass of her spectacles and a smile crept across her lips.  
  
'Quistis?' Squall said softly.  
  
'Was I interrupting anything?' she replied.  
  
'Not really just thinking about this past year.' Squall admitted.  
  
'Oh...' Quistis murmured approaching the desk.  
  
'So what can I do for you today?' Squall asked playing his usual routine.  
  
'More like what I could do for you.' Quistis purred and pushed him back in his chair and then sitting in his lap.  
  
Squall gasped in surprise. 'Quistis...' he murmured.  
  
'Shhh.' Quistis said softly and kissed him.  
  
Squall's eyes opened, his cheek was stuck to a piece of paper, which followed him as he shot upright in shock. His heart was pounding and his breath was heavy as he pulled the offending sheet from his skin and looked around wildly at his empty office. He blinked, puzzled and rubbed his face realising that everything with Quistis had been a dream. He coughed embarrassedly hoping no one had come in and caught him asleep.  
  
It seemed that whatever he felt for Quistis was getting deeper. This concerned him because he knew she would readily become his lover but he didn't want to give in until he was absolutely sure. He was torn by these conflicting feelings and the one person he could talk to about it was the one who was the source of it.  
  
There was no way he was going to go to Laguna with this, not after that fiasco with Caraways attempted assassination, he had shown too much compassion there and no doubt Laguna thought he was warming to him. He didn't want to go to Zell or Selphie and bother them, and he certainly couldn't go to Seifer since he'd just tell him to do it but if he hurt Quistis he'd be in trouble. True he could go to Cid or Edea but they'd probably just be pleased that two of their children had fallen in love.  
  
He leant back in his chair and sighed deeply. He guessed he'd just have to play it cool until he knew exactly what he was feeling.  
  
A knock at the door made him sit up and straighten himself out in an attempt to look official. He coughed and then said 'Enter.'  
  
The door opened and Quistis' face appeared around the door.  
  
Squall quickly pinched himself hard on the leg just in case but found that he was in fact awake this time.  
  
'What's the matter?' he asked her as she approached the desk.  
  
'Nothing, just wondered if you realised how late it was.' She said grinning.  
  
Squall glanced at his clock and saw it was just after eight pm.  
  
'Ah... time just flies when you're having fun.' He said wryly.  
  
'I hope not, you haven't forgot have you?' Quistis asked raising her eyebrow.  
  
'Oh no... I know I said I'd go but I think I'll pass.' He said rapidly.  
  
'Awww come on it'd be fun.' Quistis grinned.  
  
'Forget it, you know Selphie will try and force me to sing!' Squall retorted.  
  
'It's a karaoke Squall what do you expect?' Quistis replied sitting on the edge of his desk.  
  
'I expect to get away with watching other people sing and dance while I hide in the corner drinking.' He answered with disarming honesty.  
  
'Well we can do that.' Quistis smiled and grabbed his arm pulling him up. 'So come on!' she added.  
  
Squall relented and allowed her to drag him to the Quad where Selphie had been busy setting up speakers, television screens and lights for this night. Luckily for him there was a table in a dark corner, which was close to an impromptu bar set up for this night only. He listened with half an ear as Selphie made her introductions and announcements to general applause and then the first victim arrived on stage singing a slow ballad.  
  
He froze in pain as he recognised the song, it had been his and Rinoa's song. The song her mother had written for his own father. He should've expected to hear it, the song had been a hit when it was released and now was a classic. He downed his drink quickly as if the alcohol would drown out the sounds. This drew a concerned look from Quistis and she placed a hand on his and leant close to his ear.  
  
'Do you want to go?' she asked her blue eyes changing colour under the lights, which failed to hide the mixture of emotions hiding there.  
  
Squall just nodded and stood, slowly and carefully weaving his way out the room with Quistis behind him. Luckily everyone was too enthralled by the performance to notice them.  
  
'I'm sorry.' Squall said softly turning to her as the door closed behind them.  
  
'It's okay, I should've realised how much that song would affect you.' Quistis replied gently squeezing his shoulder.  
  
'I don't deserve you.' Squall whispered.  
  
Quistis' jaw dropped in surprise and then twitched into a nervous smile. 'What do you mean?' she asked him.  
  
'All the pain and trouble I cause you and yet still you're beside me, hoping, waiting.' He replied.  
  
'Squall...' she said softly.  
  
'It's true though. I worry that I'll drag you on forever, prevent you from seeking someone else whilst I attempt to sort myself out.' He told her.  
  
'I'm here because I want to be, I'm a part of your life that's what I've wanted most.' Quistis replied her eyes looking into his turbulent ones.  
  
'You're the largest part of my life.' Squall admitted, whispering.  
  
Quistis smiled briefly and blushed slightly.  
  
'Come on, let's go somewhere quiet.' She told him taking his hand.  
  
She led him back to her room and a welcome memory flashed in his mind. The warmth of her body as she held him, her soft breaths on his chest becoming slower as she had drifted to sleep and the peaceful look on her face as he had lay her down on her bed. If only he could be sure it would always be that way.  
  
Quistis closed the door behind him and motioned for him to sit in her well- worn chair.  
  
'What is it that scares you most about us Squall?' she asked finally.  
  
'Wha?' Squall replied surprised.  
  
'You say you worry that you'll drag me along... are you trying to say that you feel something more than friendship for me now?' she asked softly, kneeling down in front of him so she was looking up into his eyes.  
  
'I guess, but I'm not totally sure it's love. Just that I'm always thinking of you, dreaming of you...' he admitted softly looking down at his hands as they gripped the arms of the chair.  
  
'Sounds close to me.' Quistis replied softly, smiling as she rose on her knees.  
  
'And if I'm wrong? I couldn't do that to you again...' he murmured, becoming aware of her as she drew near, whisps of her blonde hair gently stroking against his cheeks as drew closer.  
  
'Shhh... we'll see what happens... if you try to analyse or deny your feelings too much then you'll never know.' She whispered softly her lips brushing his and then pressed against them as she kissed him deeply, her hand sliding up his cheek and her fingers running through his hair as she kissed him harder.  
  
Squall was defenceless but then he knew he didn't want to fight this any more than she'd want him to. He moved into the kiss his hand releasing the arm of the chair and sliding up her back rumpling the fabric of her top and exposing her pale flawless skin.  
  
This time he knew what this was, this wouldn't a repeat of the grief and rage fuelled romp they had before... this was passion and tenderness, the source of which was his deep feelings for her that she was allowing to come to the surface as she caressed and kissed him gently.  
  
The chair creaked beneath them as they continued, Squall finally giving in to his desires, giving himself over to her completely, not just his body but also his soul.  
  
A small part of him could feel something else in all this, the fact that this beginning romance between him and Quistis would lead to something major but he couldn't sense what this was exactly. Instead he let that thought drift away and freed his mind to be consumed by thoughts of the blonde angel before him as passion deepened and they became one.  
  
Author's Note: Well I know I've said this before but this is the end of this fic... although not the end of the story. I've got an extended epilogue for this fic that I'll post as a separate fic as it is much longer than any of the chapters so far. So for those who are interested please keep an eye out for the fic, it's called Welcome Home and might answer a few questions as well as create a few more. Hopefully I'll post it ASAP but then again it does need finishing... 


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